Saturday, April 30, 2011
So, I know, I could have picked someone I’ve known for a while. I mean, it is not like the world is a stranger to me. But some times things are easier with strangers. People who you never have to see again if you make a fool of yourself. Someone that, if six months from now you pass by them on a crowded street, is not going to remember you from Adam. Next, I did not want someone too young. I mean, it’s a young man’s game, but I did not want any first timers trying it out on me, no thank you. At least not for my first time.
So he was in his early thirties. He was willing to take me right away, so how can I say no? Do it, before I changed my mind. I’ve been dying to get it done, but I have chickened out over and over again. But I had bragged about this. This was going to be it! I was not going to admit to chickening out again.
When I first saw it I nearly bolted. It looked fucking huge. Was that just perception? Because it was going in me? Either way I knew there was no way on earth that was not going to hurt like hell. He wasted no time, urging me to just lean back and relax. Yeah, right, easy for him to say. Nothing was going inside HIS body. Sure for him and simple in-out procedure.
He noticed my nerves, though I tried to play it cool? “First time?” he guessed and I nodded. “I imagine it won’t be your last,” he grinned. “Addictive you know,” a wink. Let’s just get through the first time, for fuck‘s sake. I was right. It hurt like hell. I thought he would never finish. Finally he looked up. “All done. You did great.” Latex removed. “Next time it’ll be easier, you won’t be so nervous.”
I leaned back closing my eyes, taking a minute to recuperate, sensing his urgency in getting me out of there, but he was nice and didn’t say anything to send me on my way before I was ready.
“Thanks. Sorry if I was a big baby about the whole thing.”
He shrugged. “You were not that bad,” he shook his head as I handed him the agreed upon money. A lot of money, but well worth it to finally see it done.
So there you have it. Tongue ring in place.
It’s still sore, and apparently I will be talking funny for about a week.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
So in a nut shell: So long as no one found out your were gay, you were okay to risk life and limb in service to your country. Sweet. Basically what we already had. Way to sell out.
Or so I thought
Then someone pointed out that it WAS important. Because it was the first acknowledgement that gay people were in the forces. Up until then, officially, there were no gay people in the forces. Because if you were gay, you were out. *confused* ofcourse there were gay in the military before, and they had to hide it, and now thanks to DADT they still have to hide it.
AH, But they officially exist. So we have gone from "no gays in the military" to "no open gays in the military".. I guess I can see where it was a start.
"Do you think life changed after slavery was abolished?"
"Yep, so people just walked off the cottonfeilds and put on suits and got office jobs?"
"It was a start..."
So to all you brave folks who had to swallow the bitter pill of DADT, thanks. I get it now. It was a start.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I am off to bed shortly. He is off to his family for the day. Early mass and all that fun stuff. Hehehe, sucker! I think I'm going for a bike ride a little later. I hope it is a nice day like yesterday. I gotta get out of the house. Dad's always bitchy at Easter. I think it is family bullshit, as he is the only religious defector in his family. I think he feels left out. Even though it's not like he is not invited. He will not go because of religious intolerance. HIS OWN that is. While the rest of the family would be perfectly content to live and let live (well maybe not Nonna) with the atheist, he insists on heaping distain towards their beliefs. I gotta say, I love my dad, but holy shit. His outlook on religion make backwater baptists look tolerant.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I could have stayed at his, but I don;t like to be there when he isn't, so I left when he left for work. I get hime, log into CS. Yes, I am that sad. I earned that Addict title, lol. Then (yes after that) I check my email and got a very nasty email from a stranger. I know, who gives a fuck, right? Then why the hell does it make me feel like shit? Why do I let these things get to me? Ugh! I am so caught between pissed off and .... no just pissed off. If you don't like me, then don't fucking READ my blog, dickhead! Don't fucking tell me how disgusting it is as you quote from SEVERAL posts!
Sorry, had to have a bit if a rant there. And to dickhead, that is where it ended. I am not going to give it another thought. Fuck you!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The food was really good. We watched tv until I fell asleep, then he woke me up to go to bed. He had to get up early, but drove me home, which was very nice, because I know he got up even earlier to do that.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The poor people yesterday who had to sit through the exam from hell. My ears hurt afterwards from pressing my hands to drown out the sounds of other's being so inconsiderate as to use writing impliments, pushing those noisy fucking buttons on calculators and you know, breathing. Fuck you all and stop your noise while you insist on being on my planet. Unresonable anger at them, that was actually more at me, but directing outwards always feels better. It is easier to feel bad afterwards for being unreasonably angry iwth others than to admit you are fucking pissed off at yourself for being so fucking stupid. So I have decided I just need to shake it off. One lousy mark is not going to totally fuck me over. I got through the course through a miracle named Mommy and picking her genius brain.
So later on today I am going back to his place. Only training today and testing for him tomorrow, so no work. His testing requires no studying, and he is far more easy-going when it comes to life in general. Much more a "go with the flow" attitude I wish I had. So I am going over to his apartment. It is a shithole, to tellt he truth. In one of the worst parts of Hamilton, and if you have any idea what that means.... that is saying something. I hate and love going there all at once. I hate the neighbourhood, and just the general area. And though his place is clean, all around is filthy people. The hallway reeks of dope and stale cigarette smoke and booze and some smell my mind refuses to accurately pinpoint. He knows its a shit hole, but it is that, or ... well I'm sure my parents won't mind me taking him back to my room. Yeah, okay. I'm sure he, who has not yet come out ot his own parents, would be comfortable with that, even if my parents were.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sunday we went out to this market. I like it there because it is a jumble of shit. Like a giant garage sale. They have a cafe there that is kinda the heart of the place, and run by a gay couple, and supports local artists. It's pretty cool.
Today, exam time. Last one!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
It was from a post from a couple weeks ago:
So out flows the bullshit with the ex, which he rolls his eyes and
tells me I am an ass. fucking friends
I don;t know whether to laugh because that google was completely in the wrong context, and made that weekend sound so much better than it was; or because it is not as completely off the mark as it may have been leading o someone else's blog. I can just see some poor guy. Armed and ready, google's assfucking. Oh, shit. A blog labelled it's a gay life! Score! Poor guy. He was very mislead.
To the poor soul who found me by accident. Sorry.