Saturday, July 5, 2014

Dead beat parents

Now, most of these will be directed to fathers, and that is because it is my experience. I am not claiming deadbeat mothers are any better, nor denying their existence. In fact of the four people who contributed to the list one of them did have a dead beat mother, and one dead beat parents all together.

So you decided to be an absentee father, and now that your kid is grown you cannot understand why your attempts to build a quasi-father-son relationship is not working. Here are some tips on what not to say to the child who grew up while you were too busy to be a father.
1. Don't talk about my mother. Ever. Unless it is to comment on how hard it must have been raising me without you helping,and what an amazing job she did.
2. Do not blame the courts' bias towards mothers for your meager visitation rights if you did not
a) Actively petition the court to more visitation or
b) Did not even take advantage of the visitation you had.

The cry of the dead beat. Always someone else's fault.
3. Don't disapprove of how I was raised. Your opportunity to see that I was "raised right" has long passed. If you chose not to take part in raising me, don't presume for a fucking second that you have the right to bitch about those who DID see fit to raise me.
4. Don't talk to me about how your child support was wasted. I had a roof over my head and food in my stomach. THAT is what child support is for.
5. Realize that I do not owe you anything. You made decisions. If you have come to regret them, so be it. If I choose to let you be part of my life do not feel that it is because I owe you that. Nope. It is because my mother raised me to be kind to those, even those who really don't deserve it.


  1. I have to agree with you Jamie ... there are some dead beat fathers and parents as you say. None of them have the right to say much when they never bothered raising their children.

    I raised my oldest daughter without financial support from her father ...nor did he visit very often. It was sporadic at best. When she got married, he was still able to walk her down the aisle. He then had the nerve to tell me that I knew who to push Andrea's buttons, I went off on him and said, you are right, I know our daughter, so I know her buttons... you don't... so that gives you no rights. He no longer talks like that, he just needed to be told...

  2. Your article is perfectly written. Like you said, unless the mother did everything in her power to make it impossible for the dad to see his child, there is no excuse!

  3. I thought your comments where food for thought....