Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Pet peeves today

Okay, just 10 things getting on my nerves of late:

  1. Auto correct fucking up my posts.
  2. People who yell at their kids to shut up and are louder than the kids were being.
  3. Telemarketers who hang up when you tell them you do not own the home.  Ignoring the fact that you were fucking polite to them.
  4. People who take the last gas pump in the gas bar and park too far from it that no one can get passed.
  5. Cats who use curtains as a way to get eye level with you to gain your attention.
  6. Birds chirping in the morning.  Why do they have to be so fucking cheerful?
  7. Twitter (I'm not it but I resent how it is everywhere).
  8. Watering plants.  Needy little fuckers.
  9. C buys mandarin oranges everytime he goes shopping and never eats them.  I have like 12 cans of mandarin oranges in my cupboard.  But C will go buy more fruit before he eats those, and with them, more tins of mandarin oranges.
  10. No-name ginger-ale, tastes like ass.
I've had a pig of a headache today, and feel very bitchy, can you tell?  I'm tired of fighting it.  C left for his afternoon shift and won't be back until after midnight, so I can be a whiny, bitchy ass until tomorrow.  

Monday, January 30, 2012

Good news I am the last surviving member of a millionaire's

Extended family. Fucking awesome. Not really sure how that could happen with both my parents being alive. But they sent me an email so it HAS to be true. All I need to do to collect my inheritance is set up an account with 50,000 dollars in it for legal fees, and i'll have me 22,500,000 by the next day. Sweet. So anyone wanna spot me 50 grand;). I'll be your best friend:P

Sunday, January 29, 2012

pissing contest

   C is in a foul mood.  Work shit.  Anyway, had I known about his day I would not have volunteered to drive to Brantford with him.  Well he was telling me about his really shit day.  Me making sympathetic sounding stuff come out of my mouth while wondering why the fuck did I not ask about his day BEFORE being stuck in the car for over an hour with him?  He's funny when he is pissy though, because he really tries to get a good swearing rhythm going, but it is something he seldom and it always sounds so forced.  Anyway, on our way home C feels better.  Then this guy is driving really aggressively and getting him all wound up again.  Stupid fucking prick, after all my pretending to be listening finally was paying off.  Lots of trucks on the road, this prick not oonly tried to overtake Chris from the inside, but off a fucking exit ramp lane.  C would not let him in, and the dickhead had the gall to honk his horn and flip us off.
   Now that could have been the end, and would have, but the guy made a point, once he was back on the road to get behind C, and not just tail gate, no.  That guy was so far up our ass I am pretty sure it qualified as a threesome.  Anyway, lucky us, he went off on the same exit as we did.  C pulls into the parking lot of the LCBO, and this guy follows us in.  Fine, I get out, picked up a bottle of rum, out I go, C is still fuming in the car watching this guy who does not take a parking spot but is sitting in the middle of the parking lot.  C goes to pull out and this fucking prick pulls in back of us and stop and honked his horn.  Now C has a temper.  It burns very slow, but once ignited.... yeah, he has a temper.  He laid on the horn.
   "Big tough guy behind the wheel..." stupid stupid man yelled.  Now see, there are some things that do not go down well with C.  Accusing him of cowardice is a big one.  Well no guy likes that, but C has the size and temper to back it up.  Me.... my common sense over-rides my bruised ego ALMOST all the time.  So C is out of the car, and the guy drives to the next row of cars over, still shouting on C to "come on tough guy"... taunting while inside his car a block of cars over.
   "I'm here, where are you?  In your car?  Who's the big tough guy behind the wheel now, fucker?"  Eventually the guy drove off and C got in the car.  "Shit that was stupid."  He said it for me.  Hamilton boys, they could have a handy baseball bat if they are picking a fight.
   "Feel better after winning the dick war?"
   "Actually yes."  He's a bit retarded I think.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I know stupid people

I do.  I'm not just bragging.  Now there is a girl in my school.... we'll call her Samantha (because that's her name and no one in my uni reads my blog so FTW).  Sam is...well... dumb as a bag of hammers.  Now she is book smart... well okay book not-so-stupid, but she was in her second year with a sociology major before she knew what sociology meant (and no I am not making it up, she asked us).  She truly believed that condoms cause AIDS, and is probably the poster child why Ontario should rid itself of Roman Catholic schooling.

ANYWAY.... I just wanted you to grasp who this came from.  And Please, make no mistake, Samantha is probably the sweetest and nicest person you will ever want to meet...

She was talking about that stupid Tim Tebow thing with the 316 yards and all the other crappola they can cram 316 into.  How amazing the Lord is to give messages to his believers.  I asked her if good old timmy had ever passed for 317 or 315 yards, and she did not know.  I pointed out that the only reason 316 was brought up was because of the mere coincidence of it being his favorite quote in the bible (yeah, and that is so fucking rare, right?).  And she actually looked at me and said (and I am not making this up) "Yeah, but coincidences just don't happen for no reason."

My brain actually hurt.  I think it was sympathy pains for Samantha's poor unused brain.

"Hey, Sam, do you own a dictionary?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Go home and look up the word coincidence, would you?"
My friend Ali is laughing her ass off and Samantha laughed, stopped, looked at Ali and said "I don't know what he means."

So no matter what stupid things you do in your week, know this, you are not Samantha.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

C had to work today

Which really blows, but they lost a line at work, so until they repair that line, they have overtime.  Better than the other poor bastards on that line that are now laid off until the line is back up and running.  Anyway, to keep me occupied, and to cheer him up I figured I would make something nice for dinner.  Saturday is usually his day to cook, and I was going to make it a surprise, but then I was not sure if he would like what my mind had decided was a perfect meal.  I texted him "You like eggplant"
"Yes, y"
"Making dinner"
So out I go to the vegetable market, I was going anyway as I was getting stuff for Nonna, which is what put eggplant parmesan in my head to start with.  So I pick up everything, get home, start cooking.  Okay, while I will say that it may not be the toughest thing to cook, it is very time consuming.  So he gets home and I take it out of the oven.

"What's that?" he points at the eggplant.
"Eggplant Parmesan."
"That's not eggplant"
"Yes it is"
"No, it's not."
"Yes it fucking is."
So he explains slowly, like he is talking to a moron.  "No, eggplant is the long skinny vegetable that looks a bit like a cucumber."
"No, that would be a zucchini.  Eggplant is a big purple thing."
"Oh, okay.  Then I don't like eggplant."

"And that is when the gun just went off officer"

Anyway, we ate, he picked around the fucking eggplant, ate the pasta anyway, and the garlic bread.  After dinner he says, "Sorry about the eggplant thing."

Winning like Charlie Sheen:P

   I was a bargainer when I was a kid.  I never took things at face value convinced I was always being low-balled.  I think it comes from being raised in a city with so many immigrants where in markets and most commissioned stores my family took price tags as the starting negotiated price.  "Time to go" in the park would lead to "three more slides", my mother countering "one more slide", "Two more", deal.
   Bedtime was a negotiation of stories.  One story was the rule but then the "short ones" would come in to play.
   One day (no memory of this but heard about it enough I almost remember it) when I was about 3 or 4 maybe, driving to Toronto: "how much longer?"
My mother "Half hour"
Me: "Five minutes"
My mother: "No a half hour"  Oooo, someone wants to play hard ball.
Me: "Fifteen minutes."
My mother : "No, we cannot get there any quicker Jamie.  It's going to be a 30 minutes", Oooo now we have room for negotiation.
Me "Ten minutes."
At this point my dad is laughing and my mother is getting frustrated and asks him what is so funny.  "You arguing with someone who doesn't know how to tell time."
My Mother : "Fine ten minutes"
I win.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I am exhausted

   I have done three 12 hour shifts in a row.... yet I cannot sleep.  I am so fucking high right now.  No, not like that.  I am on an emotional high.  So full of empty energy, bouncing like a 5 year old on a sugar rush.

   Today a dog was brought in.  He ate something he was not supposed to.  Whether allergic reaction or poison, unknown at the time, but very ill.  I had him on a table, hooking him into monitor equipment when it happened.  He stopped breathing.  His airway had totally swollen up.  at the time both VODs were in surgery.  Intubation was just not happening, his restricted airway was drawn up too tight.  Now I am not strictly speaking, allowed to cut into a patient.  But, under life or death situation, with a vet-tech there, I can perform life saving operations.  So, We (the vet-tech and I) did a tracheotomy.  Scared shitless, yep.  Successful, yep.  So here I sit, a pitbull-husky cross alive because of me.  Best day at work EVER.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I had a very good birthday I'm told

   And my memories are foggy, but good.  Vodka was the drink of choice.  I have no idea how many I drank.  It was actually the day before my birthday.  It was the first time we had a bunch of people at our place.  It was awesome fun.  Jello shots (Ali brought), lots of booze, from everyone.  The down side was Jake was not able to make it, but that was not a surprise.  The bitch of having your birthday so close to the holidays.  Only Ali drove, everyone else either walked, took the bus to cab it home, or got lifts and cabbed it home.  Ali crashed in the spare room on the floor with a sleeping bag.
   I got completely drunk.  But it was more in an awesome drunk than apologize later drunk, or so I am told.  Never made too big of an ass of myself.  Of course this is by the judgement of a bunch of other drunks.  Well and C.  But C never really says anything about other's drunken behavior.  For some reason I was up at the crack of dawn the next day too.  I did not have a real hangover, but then I think I may still have been slightly drunk.  I certainly was not going to drive anywhere the next day.  I dozed off and on all my actual birthday.  Went to my Nonna's for dinner.  All in all a good start to 21:D

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Ghosts of Christmas past

For some reason I was thinking about my cousin and myself as little kids.  We were both watched a lot by my Nonna while our parents worked.  My Nonna has two kitchens.  One upstairs kitchen where everything is spotless, one downstairs, where still everything is spotless, but it does not have to stay this way.  This is the one she cooks in.  She also has a living room with her couch in the clear plastic slip covers  She DUSTS her couch.  
   There are two doors in my Nonna's house.  The front door which leads to a large foyer, opening to her plastic couched living room and french doors with open to her beautiful kitchen.  Then there is the side door which leads to the kitchen of good smells, and her sunken "den", and two rooms.  Growing up A and I spent many times napping on the den couch, playing, juice got spilled, crumbs dropped.  We lived in the den and second (which is really the only) kitchen.  When family would come over we spent time in the den.  Every Christmas that plastic would come off the couch and for one very tense evening Nonna's couch lived life on the wild side.  Bareback furniture.
Anyway, because A and I were about 4 and 5 and so used to fooling around at Nonna's we did not really grasp the impact of being allowed in the front door.  It felt like forever, but was probably only an hours of us getting told to "settle down" or "sit still" when finally Nonna said she would go down and put on a movie for us. My cousin got "Spice World" for Christmas, I can't remember what I wanted to watch, but we were arguing.      
     We ended up shoving each other and went right into the french doors guarding the "Good Kitchen".  As my mother stood up an entire glass of red wine down a cream coloured sofa with embroidered roses.  My cousin had a split lip and the back of my head managed to break the glass, yet it remained intact, with the perfect curved indent of the back of my head in the thick glass.  Surprisingly I was unhurt, but later as we sat watching "Spice World", A with a dishcloth full of ice pressed to her lip and a smirk that she got her choice of movie at the cost of a little blood we heard my Nonna directed the cleaning of the couch while assuring my mother it was fine, and that she probably had too much to drink.  My father arguing that it had more to do with two children going through a glass door.  
   The couch was never the same, and they had to get a new one.  All of which Nonna assured my mother was no big deal.  But every Christmas she mentions Jamie's head indented in the glass and the sofa.  "I loved that sofa."  

Monday, January 2, 2012

Why are people such assholes?

Why are people so mean to each other?  Two times today I have had friends upset after getting their grades.  Not because of bad grades, no, because someone had to piss on their fucking accomplishments.  First being my girl Ali.  She stepped out of her comfort zone and took a woman's study course that she was challenged by and had been freaking during exams.  Ali works 2 jobs, and one of the jobs, well she hates.  The assistant manager she works under is an utter and absolute bitch.  Anyway, she went into work and the bitch asks "So did you get your grade back?"
"It's so cute you get so excited, wait until you get that in a real class."
   Now I could see, when she was telling me, it was not going to end well.  BUT Ali was excited and proud, and didn't honestly think why would some 40 year old woman want to embarrass and humiliate a 20 year old girl.  Just cause she could.  Ali said she spent the entire 5 hour shift feeling like bursting into tears and cried on the bus on the way home.  Not because of sadness, but anger at how she was humiliated in front of her co-workers.

   The other, my friend Ry, had excellent grades, but he is taking Sociology.  Ry's single mother is a doctor and any time he makes good grades she says "See I told you you're smart enough to go to medical school." She just does not get that he does not suffer delusions of stupidity, or think going into social work makes you stupider than a doctor.  His mother can honestly NOT comprehend why someone may make different choices than she has made and be happy.  He often says that she might give him peace if he starts getting Cs and Ds.  Now I suppose his mother is not just trying to be mean.  But honestly, what a controlling .... uh... mom.
   People just suck sometimes.