Saturday, April 5, 2014

Have your actions back your words.

If there is one thing that really pisses me off is a person claiming one thing, then expressing the exact opposite through action or conversation.

Example 1: (And, yes, I know this guy)
"What I really hate about the gay community is how it is all about sex. What happened to people who wanted to build a relationship? Where are the people who want to get to know someone before jumping into bed with them?"

Has a grindr account that he uses regularly, and sends out dick-shots on a regular basis to multiple guys.

Do not get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with being open to sex. But don't pretend that your complaints about your community do not include you. It's like preaching about sobriety while you get drunk.

Example 2: (and yes, I, very briefly, knew this guy too)

"A couple people really hurt my feelings because they say they only follow me because I am good looking. I mean, I know I am not bad looking, but it is very insulting that these people don't care what I have to say"

OK, now this kid is a good looking kid. And I had him on my plus list as an acquaintance for about two days. I kind of thought, Jeez, that is kind of shitty. What rude people to say such a thing. So after a bunch of people assure him that he is very good looking, and how they really are there because of his great posts I actually go onto his page. That was the only post, ONLY ONE, that was not a picture of him, both as "modelling" shots and selfies. Yeah, not in my circles any more.

Example 3: (and yeah, we all know these guys)

The word "tolerant" and "intolerant" get tossed around a lot.
I see the line quite clearly.

Now say Mary lactose intolerant, and you and Mary are eating lunch, and you are enjoying a big old glass of milk.

Outcome #1; If you get mad at Mary for not drinking milk. If you insult her as a human being because she is inferior because she does not drink milk. If you try to force the restaurant to make everybody drink milk with their meal, because otherwise they are being intolerant of your tolerance.

Outcome #2; If you and Mary each enjoy your lunch, tolerating what is on each other's plate as their choice.

Outcome #3; Mary insists that you cannot drink milk, because she is intolerant. Yes, she realizes that you drinking milk really does not have any impact on her life, but she does not want anyone to be allowed to drink milk, because it makes her enjoy her lunch less.

If you are in either outcome #1 or #2, thank you are a douche, and should never use those words again, because you don't really understand what the words mean.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Why I hate Slut shaming

Yes, another one inspired by Stephanie.

There are a few reasons.

Firstly, and foremost, because I think what consenting adults choose to do with other consenting adults is NEVER any of my business.

Second, because it contributes to rape culture.
See when women are shamed for their sexuality, and told that they are less than other women (especially BY other women) you know who are listening? Boys. Boys who are learning by watching slut shaming that some girls "ask for it" by how they are dressed. That girls who dress or act a certain way are not good, are not WORTH anything.
And leads to
<-------- attacked.="" basic="" be="" body.="" deserve="" deserved="" do="" fucked="" girls="" mind="" not="" own="" p="" people="" raped.="" rights="" set="" some="" tells="" that="" the="" their="" they="" this="" to="" up="" want="" what="" with="">

Yep, same attitude.

Do you know who else? Girls. Girls who are being taught the same misogynistic double-standard bullshit that women should not be comfortable in their own body, with their own sexuality or they are "bad".  Women who are being taught that OTHER people should be making decisions for them about sex.  And they are being taught that people are raped because they deserve it, which is why 54% of rapes go unreported.

Thirdly, everyone deserves respect. In fact, even if you do not believe they respect themselves, that does not give you the right to disrespect them.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Inspiration from Stephanie

I read this post:

It really tapped into how I feel about relationships. More than once I have heard the words on a break up that they "wasted" the time with their former partner. I have always found this very sad. Is the value in a relationship only where it ends up? If you spend 2 years dating, living, loving another human being, does that time become worthless when you decide to move on without them?

Now I understand if someone lied about your relationship and where it was heading, but do we all just do things for the tomorrow?

I am not saying we should not plan for our future. Homework needs to be done. Bills need to be paid. I know I have to stop drinking at 10 if I want to get up at 6 sober(ish).  But it seems a little mercenary to devote your relationship to the bottom line.
   Well, I don't think living without regrets is possible. How can you live your life not wishing you had said something and didn't? Wishing someone  was in your life who no longer is? Wishing you had kept your mouth shut?  
But every person I have ever had a relationship with, for a time, I gained from that relationship, regardless of whether it was friendship, lover, boss, teacher or student. And when I have stopped gaining, when there was nothing else there, the relationship has come to an end. It happens. Does that sound mercenary? If I am not gaining by that relationship neither are they. People drift apart, where they are no longer people who can gain from each other.

   Maybe this is why people feel there time is wasted. But then you should not really feel that you wasted your time, because you never invested yourself. 
My all time favorite cheesy line:
Because time with someone who you love yourself with can never be wasted

Saturday, February 15, 2014

A belated happy Valentine's day.

Can it possibly be half way through February and my first post of the year? Man, I suck.  I've been, well, in a weird kind of place. I would say a funk, but that is usually a negative thing, and I am not in a negative place. Not really a positive either.  I guess I am in a nice comfortable rut.  C and I are very much becoming creatures of habit.  And it is a good thing. We have his work, my school, a schedule for studying, even regular places to go out.  The problem with this is, that it seems like any deviation from this schedule throws C into a frenzy.  Oh, yeah, nothing he likes better than knowing EXACTLY where he will be three weeks from Monday at 7:15PM.

It is my fault really.  Since school started back I have been lazy.  No, not just lazy.  FUCKING lazy.
Not that I have not been getting my shit done. It is just that I have not really made any effort to do new things.  To take us out of our comfort zone.  And let's face it, C ain't going to.  So tonight, when he thinks we are going to order Chinese and do a white load of laundry (because, yeah, Saturday night is when he does the whites, I mean, who fucking schedules that?) we will instead be going out to a sushi place we have not been to since we started dating.  We then are meeting up with my friends for a "Ghostwalk". Yeah, I know. Anyone who knows me know I don't believe in supernatural shit, but, it is also a historical tour of a very cool place, so when I was asked I thought it might be fun. Yeah, and free, because I am cheap.  Long story why, but hey, free is good.

I am hoping this is the start of a new thing.  Because schedules tend to make me lazy. Because I do follow them, then nothing else.  Bare minimum, that is like my super power.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

There are things every couple should not do together

It is different for every couple.  For example, my parents do not put things together in the room with each other. It is either a mom project or a dad project. My mother claims to have discovered this putting together their first "television unit".
In case you are too young to remember when TVs took a lot of space with big accessories.  Picture those covered in VHS tapes and that was my house until my parents were dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century.  

Now mine with C is a little different. I hate driving with him. We are... how do I put this. Yeah, he's fucking nuts on the road. The road rage in him is strong. Plus he is a real aggressive driver. If I am unfortunate to have a run in with a driver like him they tend to get the old Trudeau salute.

And yet he is amazed when he cuts someone off and gets the finger. The easy solution would be for me to just drive, right? Well only if I tie and gag him in his seat. Not that am against bondage, but there is a time and place. He will not shut the fuck up and just let me drive. I actually love to drive and am a very good NON-AGGRESSIVE driver. I am not slow, or overly passive, I just don't think I win some fucking race by cutting some guy off to get there 2 minutes quicker. I value my and other lives more than those 2 minutes.

Don't get me even started on Christmas shopping when he is hungry.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

I hate when C works weekends (a bit of a gushy post)

It was not so bad during the summer, I had no commitments.  If anything I liked having a "weekend" while everyone else was busy working.  It gave us more hours to do what we wanted.  Restaurants were less busy.  As were stores.  BUT, now that I am in school through the week, fuck that.  About once every six weeks C has to work the entire weekend, which means he will have all day off tomorrow... and guess who has two thumbs and a butt load of classes.  This guy!

The other day someone told me that the whole opposite's attract thing is really a myth.  See people need to have lots of things in common to be able to have things to talk about.  I don't see that  as necessarily true.  If you have the same interests, if you geek out in the same way, why do you even need to talk.  I really think C and I have so much to talk about is because we are so very different.
I mean think about it, how boring would life be if you were partnered with an individual just like you?  I'm pretty sure one of us would be dead by now.  C is a peace keeper.  I am a shit disturber, though I try not to in a bad way.  C is a calm problem solver, and while I am getting better, I still tend to be rather reactionary. C is a planner, where me, I am more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of guy. But our interests are widely different too.
Chris is ... I am almost embarrassed to admit it.  I can't believe I actually love him in spite of this huge character flaw.... but, he's a Dr. Who fan. But I try not to let that really impact on our relationship negatively.  Hell, I even recorded the 50 Anniversary episode, because I am all kinds of awesomeness.

Chris was raised in bat-shit crazy born again christian, talking in tongues, laying on hands healing, faith filled home.  My parents, Yeah, not so much.
He is blue collar and damn proud of his job.

Now, for me this is probably a pretty gushy post. If you have read this for long you may think I pick on C a lot.  But, hello, I married the man, didn't I?  Obviously he has short comings, but those pale to his good points.  I have 3 rules that are deal killer in a relationship.
1. Must be out, I do not deal with closet cases. (Okay, I broke that rule with C, but we've fixed that)
2. Must NOT be a sports fan.  Watching an occasional game I can handle.  Team jerseys and crap all over the place, no, get a life that involves YOU.
3. while must be an atheist is a bit harsh, must have a reasonable doubt about supernatural.

Oh, yeah, and HOT.  C got away a little from rule 1 because he made up for it in rule 4;)

Saturday, November 2, 2013

I have lost my mojo

Meh, it happens.

So I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive:)

Went Christmas shopping for C today.  On a list of three things to get, managed one.... barely.  The other two things are no longer available.  So I gotta come up with some new ideas.  He is the hardest person to buy for.  To make it worse my mom wants me to come up with something she can buy him for christmas.