The bargain

   My friend Ali, she really is a genius.
   Her boyfriend is HUGE into comic-con and anime shit.  So he begged her to go to Comic-con, and sure enough she caved with the proviso that he went to Pride with her.  He probably would have come anyway, because he is a pretty cool guy.  Then he was begging her to dress in costume.

Yeah, she was so not into it.

He kept showing her costumes after costume...

Finally she said "Look, fine.  I will go to comic-con in what ever you want me to wear.... so long as YOU wear whatever I want when we go to pride."

Yeah, so she is not wearing a costume to Comic-con.

Though I wonder what she would have made him wear:D 

Life's been good to me so far....

   Saturday night I made a rookie mistake. I cannot explain why. I am not a rookie. After two years I know what makes C tick. I know the hot buttons. I know how to avoid things like this.

Let's take you back. C was watching a concert on television. Now, I actually enjoy listening to this while I am reading. Now, we have an agreement. Well, okay, not so much as an agreement, as I have trained Chris. See, when we used to “watch concerts” together here was the dialogue.

C- Oh wow, look at that guitar.

Me- Uh huh.

C- You aren't looking.

Me- I did, it's a cool guitar

Side note here, Jamie knows shit about guitars... or wants to.

Two minutes later:

C- Look at how he does that, J.

Me- uh huh

C- No really look, see how he......*insert guitar player speak here*

This goes on, I shit you not, for the entire concert. The first time... well, we were still at the stage where I thought his little idiosyncrasies were cute. Yeah, that one wore on my nerves pretty fucking fast. By the second concert, about half way through I snapped, but then I came out looking like the asshole. So the third concert as soon as he started, one minute later I would say “Hey C listen to this” and read something excited out of my text books. It took about 5 times, every time he would interrupt me with insistence to look I would follow it a minute later with reading aloud. Finally I think he clued in.... Yeah, I give about as much about guitar playing as C does about veterinary medicine.

So with all that training you think I would be more careful. I made a comment on Joe Walsh, and how I liked his style. I even compared him to C's hero Clapton. Doh.... Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.... All day Sunday was spent trying to teach me the key points to the guitarists, how they differ, what their styles are, what they play......

Rookie mistake.

I can't believe I said that....

I have a habit of pointing out first world problems when my friends bitch. Not to be a dick, they do it too. It is just funny how often you do bitch about them.
I actually told C.... I told you we need a bigger fridge. I can't fit the beer in with all the leftovers.... Yeah, first world problems.... Damn! He got me.
With the crazy bitch Mother Nature PMSing on Sunday we cancelled our BBQ, for the most part, which left us with a ton of food that had to be cooked. Not to mention several cases of beer.

I'm pretty sure my baby brother is a genius

He may only be 2, but holy shit is the kid bright.

First: He plays chess.  No, not he plays with the pieces... he fucking knows the names of each piece (sadly his older brother can not claim the same, but castle and horse should BE what they are called), how each piece moves.  He hasn't won any games yet, but hell, I've never won against my dad either.  So sadly our records are kind of tied.

Second: My mother is on him about ordering things for himself.  Expressing himself.  On a flight home the flight attendant asked my mother what he wanted to drink he replied "Pepsi, no ice, please".

Third: He is nobody's fool.  While in my car he started playing with the window button.  Up, down, up, down, up, down.... you get it.  Well when I was able to distract him with horses I clicked on the window lock.  When he went back to the window and gave a sigh of frustration I said "SOrry, they must be broken", he glared at me and replied "No you locked them like Daddy does."

Finally: When we aren't sure what he is and is not allowed to do he will say "Mommy says yes" or "Mommy says no", as to what he is usually allowed.  When my mother told him he had to have a nap.  "Mommy says no."  "I am Mommy you little shit."

Close Case-man, but no cigar.  That was a rookie error.  You can't uses mommy says on mommy.

Shopping

I grocery shop a lot.  I prefer things that have not been frozen so generally every couple days I hit the grocery store.  Now, I refuse to go to the stores with the quarter deposit.

Now I know, what is the big deal, right?  But I find this system more than a little insulting.  First off it presupposes that I am too fucking lazy to put things back where they belong (shut up C).  But as if that weren't bad enough they think I am so fucking cheap that a quarter is going to motivate me.

I know they say it saves us money.  Well sure, I guess they can save you three cents on the jumbo package of toilet paper by not spending the money to pay someone to gather those carts.  Yep, that is a job that is no more.  I won't use self check outs either, or shop where they have them.  Slowly but surely our "convenience" and money saving tips are causing higher unemployment, and to tell you the truth, well, it pisses me off.  And as for passing the savings down, really?  More people unemployed, on assistance, and guess whose fucking taxes go up? Where is my three cents on toilet paper really getting me ahead.  I tend to shop at Sobey's.  24 hours, where they bag your groceries for you, don't hold my quarter hostage, and they fucking smile and are pleasant.  Why?  Perhaps because they are not stuck making minimum wage as management tries to make them redundant.

   Yeah, I wasn't sure where I was going with this rant either...

Le sigh

Some times people are exhausting.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my best friend.  I have literally known him my entire life.  His parents and my parents were friends before they even had us.  That being said, I have begun noticing the changes.  For one thing, he is always at some stage of drunkenness.  I don't mean to be a judgmental prick, but if we are going some place he can't drink, he won't go.  Now I've always known Jake likes to party.  But there are signs that definitely worry me.

How do you tell someone you partied with that he is totally out of control?  Should you?  Thing is, he and his cunt of a girlfriend, well that is what they seem to do.  They get drunk every night.

C thinks I should just stay out of it, but this is someone I have known my entire life.  What kind of a friend sees someone headed over a cliff and doesn't shout a warning?

Anyone with any advice?  

Carbon footprint my ass

   I must have looked stupid, that is the only thing I can think of. There is no other explanation for how these people really thought I would buy into their program....

Knock knock Hello, sir. I know you, like most of us, are very concerned about he environment.

:Well yes, I am. (Hoping no one realizes the three cars in the driveway belong to the two people in this apartment).

: Our company is here for people like you. Responsible people who want to reduce, if not eliminate their carbon footprint.

Now I am not a complete Jerk. I am all for reducing my carbon foot print and all that shit, but eliminate.... yeah, I am not a vegan tree hugger either.

: For $25.00 a month our company ensures that all the energy you use in your home comes from renewable resources. (Sounds good until my brain actually kicked in)

: How?

She blinked at me for a minute, like she was shocked I would ask. :Well, we make sure all the power coming in to your home comes from wind, or solar power.

:Yeah, but how? As far as I know there is no possible way to separate my power from everyone elses.

: But you reduce your carbon footprint...

:Is the money used to support the growth of renewable energy?

: Well, no, we just... We make sure all the energy you use comes from renewable resources

: So basically on paper I am a good green consumer, but I'm just passing off my carbon footprint to others?

To the girl who I probably ruined her ideal summer job of helping the environment: I really am sorry, but I'm not paying you $25.00 a month to pretend I am helping the environment.

Going green is the new religion.