I do. I'm not just bragging. Now there is a girl in my school.... we'll call her Samantha (because that's her name and no one in my uni reads my blog so FTW). Sam is...well... dumb as a bag of hammers. Now she is book smart... well okay book not-so-stupid, but she was in her second year with a sociology major before she knew what sociology meant (and no I am not making it up, she asked us). She truly believed that condoms cause AIDS, and is probably the poster child why Ontario should rid itself of Roman Catholic schooling.
ANYWAY.... I just wanted you to grasp who this came from. And Please, make no mistake, Samantha is probably the sweetest and nicest person you will ever want to meet...
She was talking about that stupid Tim Tebow thing with the 316 yards and all the other crappola they can cram 316 into. How amazing the Lord is to give messages to his believers. I asked her if good old timmy had ever passed for 317 or 315 yards, and she did not know. I pointed out that the only reason 316 was brought up was because of the mere coincidence of it being his favorite quote in the bible (yeah, and that is so fucking rare, right?). And she actually looked at me and said (and I am not making this up) "Yeah, but coincidences just don't happen for no reason."
My brain actually hurt. I think it was sympathy pains for Samantha's poor unused brain.
"Hey, Sam, do you own a dictionary?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Go home and look up the word coincidence, would you?"
My friend Ali is laughing her ass off and Samantha laughed, stopped, looked at Ali and said "I don't know what he means."
So no matter what stupid things you do in your week, know this, you are not Samantha.
ANYWAY.... I just wanted you to grasp who this came from. And Please, make no mistake, Samantha is probably the sweetest and nicest person you will ever want to meet...
She was talking about that stupid Tim Tebow thing with the 316 yards and all the other crappola they can cram 316 into. How amazing the Lord is to give messages to his believers. I asked her if good old timmy had ever passed for 317 or 315 yards, and she did not know. I pointed out that the only reason 316 was brought up was because of the mere coincidence of it being his favorite quote in the bible (yeah, and that is so fucking rare, right?). And she actually looked at me and said (and I am not making this up) "Yeah, but coincidences just don't happen for no reason."
My brain actually hurt. I think it was sympathy pains for Samantha's poor unused brain.
"Hey, Sam, do you own a dictionary?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Go home and look up the word coincidence, would you?"
My friend Ali is laughing her ass off and Samantha laughed, stopped, looked at Ali and said "I don't know what he means."
Hahahaha!! I don't know which bit made me laugh more, condoms causing AIDS, not having a clue as to what her class entailed, or the fact that coincidences don't happen for no reason. Bloody hilarious!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of my mate who cried when she found out that Santa didn't exist...at SIXTEEN!
Suddenly I feel better about the stupid things I've done lately. :)
ReplyDeleteHow do you study something for two years and not know what you're studying?
WOW condom costs AIDS? Okay then!
ReplyDeleteOh right, let me guess. Coincidences cause AIDS. You can't pull the wool from under my feet.
ReplyDeleteIn Samantha's defense, she was taught sex ed in the Catholic School System. Used to freak me out, but now that I know Sam a bit better, it may have been what SHE got out of the class, not what was taught.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling really good right now!!!!! ;)
ReplyDeleteStill funny jamie !!
ReplyDeleteGood gawd ... they still exist! I just know them types too well! :)
ReplyDeleteJust a lil' shout out for RC educated kids... Some of us are smart enough to make your little spot on the web one of their first stops when returning to the world 'o blog. But to your point, I do more frequently than I'm comfy admitting, think 'how do they NOT f'ing know *that*?!? I was sitting there when they learned it' when talking to my grade/HS friends.
ReplyDelete