Stresses of the season

   Okay, in terms of Christmas we don't have much stress caused by it. We pick up a couple of presents and we are pretty much done. In fact we have honed down our obligations to few and far between.  We have dinner at my Nonna's Christmas eve, My parents' Christmas day. At some point I may or may not see my father, it depends on how paternal he feels a given year.
   Now Chris on the other hand has a set of obligations trying to draw him in. I feel like he is the Godfather.

This summer his best friend's older brother died.  Now C was out west for the funeral, but ever since then he has been after some pretty heavy pressure from their friends to get together and celebrate his life. Sounds nice, right? Except, the guy was 30 and drank himself into an early grave. As C says they will all be sitting around talking with awe about how he could party with the rest of them ignoring that it killed him, because that would be uncomfortable.

   Plus, other than Shawn he doesn't really talk to the rest of them since he stopped drinking.
Apparently that WAS the thing they had in common.

Dead beat parents

Now, most of these will be directed to fathers, and that is because it is my experience. I am not claiming deadbeat mothers are any better, nor denying their existence. In fact of the four people who contributed to the list one of them did have a dead beat mother, and one dead beat parents all together.

So you decided to be an absentee father, and now that your kid is grown you cannot understand why your attempts to build a quasi-father-son relationship is not working. Here are some tips on what not to say to the child who grew up while you were too busy to be a father.
1. Don't talk about my mother. Ever. Unless it is to comment on how hard it must have been raising me without you helping,and what an amazing job she did.
2. Do not blame the courts' bias towards mothers for your meager visitation rights if you did not
a) Actively petition the court to more visitation or
b) Did not even take advantage of the visitation you had.

The cry of the dead beat. Always someone else's fault.

3. Don't disapprove of how I was raised. Your opportunity to see that I was "raised right" has long passed. If you chose not to take part in raising me, don't presume for a fucking second that you have the right to bitch about those who DID see fit to raise me.
4. Don't talk to me about how your child support was wasted. I had a roof over my head and food in my stomach. THAT is what child support is for.

5. Realize that I do not owe you anything. You made decisions. If you have come to regret them, so be it. If I choose to let you be part of my life do not feel that it is because I owe you that. Nope. It is because my mother raised me to be kind to those, even those who really don't deserve it.

Chris got in at one

See, Thursday was a cool night. I am trying to save money when I can, so the window was open for the cool breeze rather than the air conditioning.  It was around 5:30ish when "Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonk."
This horn just started, and kept fucking going. I waited, five minutes before admitting defeat and that  spending a few hours in bed with C the morning he gets home was just not going to happen. So I put on a pot of coffee for a change. Yep, it is the big change up when I go from my single serve Tassimo to the big coffee pot.
So it was not a great homecoming. But today we went to a rodeo with my friend Mel from school. Tomorrow we are having a barbecue at Kay's.  Yay for me, my personal designated driver is home, I can drink again!

Yeah, that special moment you know you are keeping him.

On Monday we are going to Wild Water Works with Ali and Kate. I am starting to wonder if I will get any one on one time with him on these weeks. 

Please and thank you

This may just be me but I find the term "please and thank you" ridiculously rude. No not "please" and "thank you", but "please and thank you". Probably because it is generally said among the most ridiculous and ignorant requests.Sometimes even some very reasonable requests, if they were, in fact requests, perhaps I may consider such things if ASKED, when ordered using "polite words", yeah, not so much.

Last time, the one that inspired this post.
A lady ahead of me :
"Uh, excuse me, I have a sleeping child in my cart, so if I could go ahead of you, please and thankyou," as she maneuvered her cart around me. Okay, I am not going to even mention how much  despise parents who seem to think the world should revolve around them because they decided to reproduce. Wow, totally did not mean to put that in italics, though it fits, so I'll keep it. Little Freudian there. But how fucking dare you decide you can just bi-pass a line when it is convenient for you. Your please and thank you was not polite, it may as well have been an "out of my way bitch", in fact, I may at least applaud your honesty more.

Working in a service industry guarantees that you will hear this a lot.
"I won't be able to get off until 5. So I'll be by at 6ish to pick her up, please and thank you." - from a client after being told that she would need to pick up her cat before three the day after she was spayed. How do these people manage in a world full of "hours of business" that may not be 100% conducive to your schedule? Do you really expect everyone to stick around for hours after their shift to make sure your schedule is not juggled?
I am sure I have about another dozen examples, but I think right right now I am going to go slide back into bed with Chris and sleep my morning away, if you will forgive me, please and thank you;)

Younger siblings

I don`t know if I am alone in this or not. But I look at my parents with my brothers and think "Who are these people?"
My parents, not to bitch, but did not give me spending money.  There was no "allowance". I had to earn it. Not that it is a bad thing. It taught me to be very independent. As a kid my friends would save for shit. If I wanted something, I went door to door to offer raking, shoveling, lawn cutting, etc. Those service that were free for my parents by mutual agreement (so I've been told).

So here was the conversation between my dad and my brother:
Hey, Bud, do me a favor and rake up the sticks in the front yard.
I don't feel like it.
I'll pay you.
How much?
$20 (seriously, for 1/2 hour of light labour? $20? My parents would not have let me gouge my neighbors like that)

Nah, I'm good.

What the actual fuck?

Have your actions back your words.

If there is one thing that really pisses me off is a person claiming one thing, then expressing the exact opposite through action or conversation.

Example 1: (And, yes, I know this guy)
"What I really hate about the gay community is how it is all about sex. What happened to people who wanted to build a relationship? Where are the people who want to get to know someone before jumping into bed with them?"

Has a grindr account that he uses regularly, and sends out dick-shots on a regular basis to multiple guys.

Do not get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with being open to sex. But don't pretend that your complaints about your community do not include you. It's like preaching about sobriety while you get drunk.

Example 2: (and yes, I, very briefly, knew this guy too)

"A couple people really hurt my feelings because they say they only follow me because I am good looking. I mean, I know I am not bad looking, but it is very insulting that these people don't care what I have to say"

OK, now this kid is a good looking kid. And I had him on my plus list as an acquaintance for about two days. I kind of thought, Jeez, that is kind of shitty. What rude people to say such a thing. So after a bunch of people assure him that he is very good looking, and how they really are there because of his great posts I actually go onto his page. That was the only post, ONLY ONE, that was not a picture of him, both as "modelling" shots and selfies. Yeah, not in my circles any more.

Example 3: (and yeah, we all know these guys)

The word "tolerant" and "intolerant" get tossed around a lot.

I see the line quite clearly.

Now say Mary lactose intolerant, and you and Mary are eating lunch, and you are enjoying a big old glass of milk.

Outcome #1; If you get mad at Mary for not drinking milk. If you insult her as a human being because she is inferior because she does not drink milk. If you try to force the restaurant to make everybody drink milk with their meal, because otherwise they are being intolerant of your tolerance.

Outcome #2; If you and Mary each enjoy your lunch, tolerating what is on each other's plate as their choice.

Outcome #3; Mary insists that you cannot drink milk, because she is intolerant. Yes, she realizes that you drinking milk really does not have any impact on her life, but she does not want anyone to be allowed to drink milk, because it makes her enjoy her lunch less.

If you are in either outcome #1 or #2, thank you are a douche, and should never use those words again, because you don't really understand what the words mean.

Why I hate Slut shaming

Yes, another one inspired by Stephanie.

There are a few reasons.

Firstly, and foremost, because I think what consenting adults choose to do with other consenting adults is NEVER any of my business.


Second, because it contributes to rape culture.

See when women are shamed for their sexuality, and told that they are less than other women (especially BY other women) you know who are listening? Boys. Boys who are learning by watching slut shaming that some girls "ask for it" by how they are dressed. That girls who dress or act a certain way are not good, are not WORTH anything.

And leads to
<-------- attacked.="" basic="" be="" body.="" deserve="" deserved="" do="" fucked="" girls="" mind="" not="" own="" p="" people="" raped.="" rights="" set="" some="" tells="" that="" the="" their="" they="" this="" to="" up="" want="" what="" with="">

Yep, same attitude.

Do you know who else? Girls. Girls who are being taught the same misogynistic double-standard bullshit that women should not be comfortable in their own body, with their own sexuality or they are "bad".  Women who are being taught that OTHER people should be making decisions for them about sex.  And they are being taught that people are raped because they deserve it, which is why 54% of rapes go unreported.


Thirdly, everyone deserves respect. In fact, even if you do not believe they respect themselves, that does not give you the right to disrespect them.

Inspiration from Stephanie

I read this post:

http://reasonexrhyme.blogspot.ca/2014/03/is-yesterday-still-friend.html

It really tapped into how I feel about relationships. More than once I have heard the words on a break up that they "wasted" the time with their former partner. I have always found this very sad. Is the value in a relationship only where it ends up? If you spend 2 years dating, living, loving another human being, does that time become worthless when you decide to move on without them?

Now I understand if someone lied about your relationship and where it was heading, but do we all just do things for the tomorrow?

I am not saying we should not plan for our future. Homework needs to be done. Bills need to be paid. I know I have to stop drinking at 10 if I want to get up at 6 sober(ish).  But it seems a little mercenary to devote your relationship to the bottom line.

   Well, I don't think living without regrets is possible. How can you live your life not wishing you had said something and didn't? Wishing someone  was in your life who no longer is? Wishing you had kept your mouth shut?  

But every person I have ever had a relationship with, for a time, I gained from that relationship, regardless of whether it was friendship, lover, boss, teacher or student. And when I have stopped gaining, when there was nothing else there, the relationship has come to an end. It happens. Does that sound mercenary? If I am not gaining by that relationship neither are they. People drift apart, where they are no longer people who can gain from each other.

   Maybe this is why people feel there time is wasted. But then you should not really feel that you wasted your time, because you never invested yourself. 

My all time favorite cheesy line:

Because time with someone who you love yourself with can never be wasted

A belated happy Valentine's day.

Can it possibly be half way through February and my first post of the year? Man, I suck.  I've been, well, in a weird kind of place. I would say a funk, but that is usually a negative thing, and I am not in a negative place. Not really a positive either.  I guess I am in a nice comfortable rut.  C and I are very much becoming creatures of habit.  And it is a good thing. We have his work, my school, a schedule for studying, even regular places to go out.  The problem with this is, that it seems like any deviation from this schedule throws C into a frenzy.  Oh, yeah, nothing he likes better than knowing EXACTLY where he will be three weeks from Monday at 7:15PM.

It is my fault really.  Since school started back I have been lazy.  No, not just lazy.  FUCKING lazy.

Not that I have not been getting my shit done. It is just that I have not really made any effort to do new things.  To take us out of our comfort zone.  And let's face it, C ain't going to.  So tonight, when he thinks we are going to order Chinese and do a white load of laundry (because, yeah, Saturday night is when he does the whites, I mean, who fucking schedules that?) we will instead be going out to a sushi place we have not been to since we started dating.  We then are meeting up with my friends for a "Ghostwalk". Yeah, I know. Anyone who knows me know I don't believe in supernatural shit, but, it is also a historical tour of a very cool place, so when I was asked I thought it might be fun. Yeah, and free, because I am cheap.  Long story why, but hey, free is good.

I am hoping this is the start of a new thing.  Because schedules tend to make me lazy. Because I do follow them, then nothing else.  Bare minimum, that is like my super power.