Saturday, April 30, 2011

First times

So this is the story of my first time. I know you all want to know… And I hope none of you feel less of me once you read it all.

So, I know, I could have picked someone I’ve known for a while. I mean, it is not like the world is a stranger to me. But some times things are easier with strangers. People who you never have to see again if you make a fool of yourself. Someone that, if six months from now you pass by them on a crowded street, is not going to remember you from Adam. Next, I did not want someone too young. I mean, it’s a young man’s game, but I did not want any first timers trying it out on me, no thank you. At least not for my first time.

So he was in his early thirties. He was willing to take me right away, so how can I say no? Do it, before I changed my mind. I’ve been dying to get it done, but I have chickened out over and over again. But I had bragged about this. This was going to be it! I was not going to admit to chickening out again.

When I first saw it I nearly bolted. It looked fucking huge. Was that just perception? Because it was going in me? Either way I knew there was no way on earth that was not going to hurt like hell. He wasted no time, urging me to just lean back and relax. Yeah, right, easy for him to say. Nothing was going inside HIS body. Sure for him and simple in-out procedure.

He noticed my nerves, though I tried to play it cool? “First time?” he guessed and I nodded. “I imagine it won’t be your last,” he grinned. “Addictive you know,” a wink. Let’s just get through the first time, for fuck‘s sake. I was right. It hurt like hell. I thought he would never finish. Finally he looked up. “All done. You did great.” Latex removed. “Next time it’ll be easier, you won’t be so nervous.”

I leaned back closing my eyes, taking a minute to recuperate, sensing his urgency in getting me out of there, but he was nice and didn’t say anything to send me on my way before I was ready.

“Thanks. Sorry if I was a big baby about the whole thing.”

He shrugged. “You were not that bad,” he shook his head as I handed him the agreed upon money. A lot of money, but well worth it to finally see it done.

So there you have it. Tongue ring in place.

It’s still sore, and apparently I will be talking funny for about a week.


  1. awesomely funny! you had me going ...

    um ... hey ... i miss you as a friend on facebook ... i was going to write to tell you you were in my dream this afternoon ... thank you for carrying my heavy stuff into my new home xo

  2. Yeah, I miss facebook with you ladies. Maybe now that things have settled I'll reopen the account.

  3. Did I really get you? When did you figure it out? I sweear I wrote that in my head on the way back. First shot at creative writing, lol. I did have to take poetic license with the piercer though. Yolanda, wonderful as she was, so would have killed my story;)

  4. 2nd to last line ... when you blatantly said the tongue ring is in place ... just before that, i was wondering what the hell you had to pay someone for this for lol!

  5. Haha, I was so excited thinking this was your first time, you know. XD But first piercings are fun. And addictive, dude was speaking real world truth.

  6. got me too.

    Good luck with the lisp !

  7. You reallly had me going. And I was wondering why you had to pay for it. Hope it doesn't get infected. :)

  8. Did I mention I blacked out my first time? I came to a few minutes later and was told the big burley man that did me was rubbing my back. XD

  9. Nicely done Jamie! A whopping creative twist. And yes, you had me going ... till the Latex part. whut? :)

    How's the tongue? You better recover soon, that tongue is a potent tool for ... :D

  10. This was great! I read that last bit and laughed so hard at what I was thinking!! Great job!

    Now, with that said, OUCH OUCH OUCH... I couldn't do it... I'm a big whopping chicken to get a tongue piercing.

  11. Love how I got you all. Thanks for taking the ride;)

  12. haha loved it! you really had me going there... My fiance and i just started advertising with the iphone app should check it out. there is a link to the site on my blog :)