No, the other one. Love. How do we ever really know when we love someone? I have friends who I love like crazy, and tell them so, all the time. I very comfortable letting the people in my life know how I feel about them. Until it comes to the one I am sleeping with. Why? Because I am not sure myself. I know that the friends I love hold a certain part of my heart, and they always will. That if I don't see them in ten years or have a horrible fight, that there will still be a tie that will never allow me to be indifferent to them. I will always be happy for their triumphs and cry for them, and with them if they need a shoulder.
I guess that is part of it. When do you want to leave yourself that open to the one you are already at your most vulnerable in other ways. And what do you do if you move on? How do you watch someone you love move on without you?
Anyway. We are planning a trip. ROAD TRIP. It was supposed to be me, Chris, my best friend Jake, Ali and her boyfriend taking his car, possibly Alex with her boyfriend, and meeting my friend T and his boyfriend from Toronto. Well, ALex and her boyfriend are out (not really a big surprise). Ali's boyfriend can't go, so she is driving with us. So what that leaves us with is Me, C, Jake and Ali. In one car. One problem, okay several. Jake and Ali HATE each other. Not usually a huge deal while in a crowd, but 5 + hours in a car together may be a stretch. Now C and Ali don't exactly get on well either. She still has issues with our break up long ago, and though we have gotten over it, she never has. She'll be nice enough, but the ice under it is very obvious. And Jake HATES Chris, and vice versa. Oh, won't this be a cosy little piece of heaven? In a car with 3 people who despise each other, and I am the only friend they have in common. Why did I think this was a good idea?