Friday, May 6, 2011

SO I was lost in the Matrix

It was cold, and I had no face:( But I am back, and this feels amazing to have my stuff back. Last night I got so pissed off I decided to fuck it all and get away from it. I went out with a couple friends, but can;t drink yet (tongue ring and all), and sitting around watching them get shit faced does not have its usual appeal. Especially since after a couple drinks all my friends decided I sounded incredibly funny and spent all their time laughing their asses off at me. Normally I would enjoy, but with frustration already at a high, I did not have the patience. So I killed some time just hanging out at a local Timmy's waiting for C to finish his shift.
Have you ever willed time to pass?
Passes slow as fuck then, doesn't it?
I played games on my phone, and read until the phone died, then I did a most dangerous pass time in Hamilton, people watching. Hamilton has more than it's fair share of freaks. A crowd of kids were being rowdy and obnoxious, other patrons glaring at them. I had to laugh at their posing and posturing. They were all of maybe fifteen, if that. They were comparing their various piercing and tattoos, making sure to talk up how "painful" the places were, while at the same time insisting that they didn't hurt THEM ofcourse. Street kids. THere are a lot of them in my city. THat particular area had several group homes and shelters. I amazed by the comradery of kids who don't seem to have much in common other than a shitty past.
It makes you realize how much stock you put in the bull shit and trappings of your stupid cushy life. Here are kids who, for the most part, will be lucky to finish high school. Who will not have mommy and daddy to come running when life shits on them. WHo, basically, once they leave their temporary homes at 18 will be all by themselves except for the friends they make in these homes. THose friends who run a higher risk of falling into the traps of addiction, crime, violence...
What a fucking whiny little bitch I can be. By the time I called Chris and met him at his apartment I felt a lot less hard-done-by. I have a good life.


  1. i am so glad you got out of the matrix :)

    good post jamie

  2. My bf hung out with the "wrong" crowd when he was a teenager. Looking at his parents and his sisters you would never think he would get to the point he did. At 17 he was sentenced to prison and went right after he was 18. He was suppose to do 40 years but his parents got him the best lawyer to only get him 6! but 6 years = 3 only if your good. 1 good day = 1 day earlier you get out. I also hung out with what people called a "wrong" group. my friends knew how and who i was and would never let me fuck up my life. That was the difference in our friends. They knew i cared about where i ended up even though they did not. they were good friends. My bf was not so lucky, they would rather save their own ass then save the innocent. i could never figure out how he got there. He still has his issues with the law that i really hate. His friend staid with us and after doing something nice for someone who had no where to go he got my bf introuble for possession (cause he happened to be in the car) so they charged both of them. He told me he went to jail cause we dont have car insurance. i knew he was lying cause they give you a ticket and prob. tow the car This fucked us over financially since we were already struggling. I get pissed cause i do love him but idk how long i can deal with his bs and getting introuble. He finally finished probation for this. I told him if he gets introuble for more than a ticket i will leave him with the kids. no one needs to grow up like that.
    dont ask why but, thought i would share :)

  3. I deffinetly agree with you. Great post.

  4. I'm from and used to live in a city so, I can relate to this. I've seen kids as young as 10 drug dealing and in gangs mainly because it's what their friends did. Great post. I'm actually new to Blogger. Comment back? :)

  5. Wow, Dark Vanilla, it goes to show what the wrong crowd can do.

  6. you're back you're back you're back you're back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and yes ... we do lead a charmed life ... we are the lucky ones to have comfort

  7. Lovely post Jamie. Yes, we never had it so good. Believe that.
    And I just have to say this, I missed you so much!!! Don't go disappearing like that again.