Why do we call it HOMOPHOBIA?

Make it sound like an irrational fear you cannot control. Like a fear of something silly like bubbles or spiders, instead of what it is. Hate. If you hate different races, you are racist. If you have different sexes you are sexist. Hate is not an irrational fear, it is a choice you make. Sure it may be fed to you as a child, but as an adult once you make the choice to follow these hatreds on for the rest of your life or shake loose the prejudices passed on to you by your family.

So what to call it? Gayist? Queerist? How abotu we just classitfy all hate under bigotry. They are all the same thing, not a fear, but a hate based on something a person cannot control.

Wow, this was supposed to come off as something light, and so did not land that way

Epic fail!

Gay Pride Parades

Been talking about it and it brought to mind the conversation I had with a dickhead last year.

"Gay Pride parade is just an excuse to act perverted in public. You don't see us having straight pride parades"

My response: "Have you ever lost your job because people find out who you sleep with? You ever get beat up or vandalized because you like girls? If you kissed the person you love in public would everyone around you react in shock and horror?"

"No."

"Then every day for you is a fucking straight pride parade."

That is what pride is about. Being open. DO things go a bit crazy? Sure, what if only one day a year you could openly celebrate your sexuality. Wouldn't things go crazy? Of course they would. Sure theworld is getting better but the fact is gay people are killed and assaulted just for being gay. Gay people are fired after they are outted. Unless in a gay club I could never kiss a date in a public place. Yet, at the freaking mall het couples make out like crazy. (just ew, no one wants to see that). Anyway, my point is that for a day you kind of get a free pass, where anything goes and the world is a rainbow friendly village. Where you can proudly proclaim your gayness in an atmosphere that understands and shout with you in PRIDE.

Award! Oh, wow!

Wow, I feel so honoured. AMAZING!Thank you Pycho Babbler and Big A!

So I list 7 things baout myself and then give the award to 7 others

About me:
1. Best person I know is my little brother who taught me more than I will ever teach him
2. Going to be a vet when I grow up... well,even if I don't :D
3. I have the most boring coming out story ever
4. I love all animals.
5. I love my weird family like crazy
6. Thebiggest thing I would like to accomplish would be to love someone and have them love me back
7. I am gay... shocking, I know.

Seven to give this award to:
1. http://dirtycowgirl.blogspot.com/
2. http://borderlinegirlblogs.blogspot.com/
3. http://nickthenayl.blogspot.com/
4. http://getcurrent.blogspot.com/
5. http://youaresociallycrippled.blogspot.com/
6. http://betterindividual.blogspot.com/
7. http://someguysaretoads.blogspot.com/

Email stalker gave up, I hope

Been getting nasty emails, I've been reading them, but not replying. I kept wanting to not read them, but nosey me... I had to see! So... finally I had enough, right after I wrote about my date he wrote a nasty about no one wants to hear about a guy "fucking my ass". Which I thought was rather funny, because there were absolutely no details about that at the time. So I wrote back, basically saying as he was filling in the blanks, he obviously has a lot more interest in gay sex than you would expect in a het man, and maybe he should wonder why he keeps up with a blog that is rather open in what it is. About a gay man's life, including sex.
I haven't heard back.
Fair warning to anyone... It's a gay thing, I think...
We can go all bitch on you. *three snaps in a triangular formation* Uh huh.

the misunderstanding

OK I like to think I don't judge, but we all do.
One of the vets I work with is ubber religious, and I guess I consider him some what judgemental of my sexual orientation, even if he never actually says anything. Anyway....
So I am taking the cat from inside her carrier. "I don't want the queer touching my cat" Hey it happens. I wore my fckh8 t with rainbow belt, ok, maybe he had a clue, but still.
Ubber religious doctor, I expect him to kinda take over...
"Then take your cat elsewhere" WTF? Bigot with the cat starts arguing and religious doc is sticking up for me. After moron left I said thanks to the doctor, and let slip that I thought he did not like me because I was gay. "When did I give you that impression?" Turns out I really hurt his feelings. He has a vi ew that the bible was inspired by god, but written by man, with prejudices. And especially those dealing with keeping those babies coming. And his son is gay, or was, he committed suicide six years ago.
So, I was a major asshole. Serves me right for being a judgemental prick.

My date

ROCKED! He was amazing.
I got there and got naked inside of ten minutes. Guys are so honest about shit like that. He's a bit older than I usually go with, he is 25, and he is freaking amazing looking. The sex was awesome! And yes SAFE. I do not do sex without condoms, not ever. I am a safety boy. And thankfully he never suggested it. Nothing turns me off quicker than someone suggesting it. I may hate the taste of latex, but safety is a priority.

Well, got big plans

Last night hooked up with this guy. Going there tonight. Don't wait up.

Very cool guy

So there was this debate on gay marriage on campus. I did not go there, but a couple friends did. Anyway, met up with my friends and this guy was there who they met at this debate. It was fun. I swear, this guy was put on the earth to be the devils advocate. It was a very fun time. I love getting into serious discussions, mainly because I too can play the devils advocate when I want to. Drives people insane, and it's half the fun. Then again, I had just written my last mid term, so I was in a fantastic mood. Going to meet up with them during reading week, well, maybe, we will see how things go.
If I do not come around much next week, well, then rest assured I am having fun and hopefully doing filthy things;) If I do, then I am a big loser :(

OMG, so tired

So busy with school I barely have time to blog... yet here I am.

Driving to school I stop to give my friend Mike a ride. Well "freind" is kinda pushing it. Someone who has mutual friends. Anyway... I've be spending a lot of time with my little bro CJ, who watches a lot of family and kids tv, which shows kid videos. Anyway, riding to school a song comes onthe radio. Now I sing. I am a car rock star. I will sing along wiht anything, even if I don't know the words I do the sound we all make when faced with no words. WHY could that not be one of the songs.... but know. There I am singing along to Justin fucking beiber! No black man, straight or gay, can get by with doing that. Mike starts laughing and I realize what I am doing. "Shit, you really are gay, huh?"
Now, I am a super geek, and I can get by getting caught doing a lot of loser things and bluff my way through to have it looking not as uncool as it obvioulsy is. Not so with this one.

In terms of street cred, Justin kicked my ass.

Oh, the shame!

Reading week YES, plans!

EPIC fail! One of my best friends goes to U of T. "Come down for reading week." OMG, Me in the big city with my friend, he is gay, BTW, with a bf. They met the first day of University and have been tight as hell since. I have not yet met Mr. Right (his that is), but have looked forward to it. So I was to be saved from an uncertain week.
"When do you want me there?"
"Come tonight."
"Uh, reading week is next week."
"Oh, shit, really? Here it is this week. That sucks J."
Sucks is not the word.
SO back to hoping for a miracle... a few parties and if not the club scene.

Anyway, mom's birthday present was received with wild acclaim. She loved a couple hours of pampering and feeling good. I am awesome!

Psychology, sheesh!

I have a habit. I have a thing about initials. When I get close to someone I call them by initials. Don't know if anyone has noticed it yet. Ali, big into psychology says it is my way to keep distance from those I care about. It is a form of "Disassociation". I really wish she would stop assuming everything she reads about is affecting everybody around her.
The person I am closest to is my brother. I am the only person to call him CJ, and he calls me J, which actually most people these days to. Maybe that is what launched it, I don`t know. But when I really like someone I tend to call them by their first initial. It's like: Of all the "A"s I know you are the one who means the most
My best friends are letters. T, B and K. My best cousin is S. And my boyfriends have consisted of D, A and ... okay, Wes, but that is just cause nobody should be called W. (all three, I am such a stud ).
I just tell Ali, hey A, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar... Yeah, right....

THe Buffet

Went out with my friend Alex as her "date". Her boyfriend is out of town and she wanted to go out with a bunch of couple... enter the queer friend. I love this, no really. Her friends keep givng me the eye, like I am about to jump her bones the moment she least expects it. Her freinds boyfriends are giving me the "good luck" looks, like obvioulsy I am looking to take advantagge of the situation. Awesome. I know, you think it is mean. It's just fun, like a secret joke just between the two of us.
Anyway, I hate how people do not understand "I don't drink and drive" means just that. I don't want to play the "How many am I allowed" game. If I am driving I do not drink... anything. Why do other people find this a challenge? "come on try it". Fuck no people, what is wrong with you? WHy are you so offended that I am not drinking? I'm not judging you, really.
It was a fun night overall. And I ate far more than anyone should ever eat in one sitting.

I'm sorry, I am going to have to take away your penis

I am riding home from the mall, thrilled at finally figuring out a way to kick gift giving ass, and it happened. This song comes on:
"I want to hold you til we die, til we both break down and cry, I want to hold you til the fear in me subsides."
Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously, I think you have to forfeit all rights of manhood after singing that. Sorry, you just grew a vag, because no way on earth anyone with testosterone in their body wrote that. Oh, my, the eighties, you guys freaking kill me!

I was hoping to find a list of other such songs, but no luck so far. Working on it. I'm going to call it me "surrender your dick" list. If any of you all have ideas let me know.

Mom's home!

Yay! Love you mom! Happy times. Bed rest, but home! Stay in there, Casey, not quite ready to meet you yet, or should I say you aren't.
Back to my life of sleeping in and worrying about school rather than making lunches for CJ.
Life is beyond wonderful today!
Dinner with my mom, in her bedroom, which was weird, but pretty good compared to a hospital room with a religious nut in the other end of the room.

My drunken night

I know you are all dying to know. After work I came home quickly to showeer and change, and Okay, peek in here. So I meet the girls at the Timmy's closest to the bar. They brought along their housemate Anna, who kept calling them the "Three sexy As". It was fairly obvious Anna got a headstart on the drinking. Anyway, off we go to the bar. It was fun to start with. Danced a lot, drank a bit. Anna got totally sloshed, to the point that it becomes uncomfortable for others.
"You fucking Ali?" she asks. Now I have heard people say things like that, but generally people I know, and never so bluntly by a girl.
"Just friends"
"Alex has a boyfriend at home. You know that, right?"
"Just a friend," I am sending pleading looks across the room at Ali, my actual friend.
"Wanna come home with me?" tears in eyes. FUck, no one should get that pathetic drunk. Just sad.
"Sorry, I'm not in the market."
"Okay," so she gets up towards a few other guys. I honestly don't know who I was rescuing her or them, but I got Ali to get her housemate. About halfway back to where we started she says she feels sick, and Ali helps her stumble into the ladies room.
I'm waiting to get the hell out of the bar, very thankful it is not bar I frequent. "She your girlfriend?" Great, caught the eye of a bouncer, perfect.
"Hell, no. We're out of here as soon as she stops puking."
"Good man. She's not your DD is she?" he kinda laughs a bit, but making it known that he doesn't think any of us should be driving. I told him that they were withn walking, or in Anna's case crawling distance, and I was cabbing it. After we left/got kicked out of the bar I helped them home with Anna. While getting her up the stairs she asked if I wanted to spend the night with her. Seriously? She just spent a good quarter of an hour puking in a washroom at a bar, stumbled home and thought... god, even if I was straight and fucking desperate... ewww *shiver of revulsion*.
WHile I waited for the cab Ali apologized for bringing her along, expalining that she was going through a difficult break up and kind of guilted them into letting her tag along. No big deal, it was fun before she got out of control. I told her I would do it again, minus the third A.

On the plus side, I didn't think about D. Took a cab home and crashed. I am now waiting for a call to pick up my mom. No hangover, I really didn't drink a whole lot.

Are gay tv characters helping with equality?

I guess minorities have always been a joke before they can be taken as... well... real. Looking back at old movies: black or asian characters were comic relief. I notice the same with gay characters. Fruity characters mince across the screen keeping up the common myth that queer men are silly, frivolous creatures who are not too smart and are ready to jump any man alive. Lesbians are hard, man hating, bitches. But is it necessary to bring about change. Are the non-gay population more comfortable with gay characters who are "obvious" and "flamboyant" gay? Does it make het people more secure that it is safe to watch the homos, so long as you know that is what they are?
The supercilious Jack on Will and Grace has made way for a more serious Kurt of Glee, or kick ass of Barca in Spartacus? Suddenly "funny" has made way to a more realistic look at a lifestyle that people may or may not agree with. My question, does the comedic idiot have to come before we can really see the human side of minorities? I guess Iam wondering if it the way tv tests the boundaries, or if that is truly the way acceptance is gained.

Nothing beats the love of Nonna

Okay, so my Nonna was by last night to clean the house. Now Nonna has never heard of tidying, she guts and rearranges, and mom is not going to like havng her whole house rearranged by her MIL. They do not get along. My mom has never been good enough for my father in his mother's eyes. She also thinks it is ridiculous that at her age my mom is pregnant.
In saying that, she has always been a brilliant grandmother. Now see, my mom could find a bag of human heads under my bed and she would sit me down and ask if I was having problems... she is that supportive. But Italian grandmother love is a little different. My grandmother would take the evidence, use it to set someone up for the fall, and never bring it up to me, secure in her knowledge that I must have had a perfectly good reason and they had it coming.
Anyway, had some wonderful manicotti last night, I love that woman.
"You should find a nice catholic italian girl." she is forever telling me. Yep, she knows I'm gay, but she keeps thinking it is something I will get over in time. She thinks I just get this "boy thing" out of my system then settle down with a nice girl.
Working tonight with my least fave vet. He's okay, but very religious, and tends to make digs about my "preferences". Preferences my ass. It is not like I prefer men, women do nothing for me. He does not try to push his religion on others, he just feels bad that some people "damn themselves to an afterlife of eternal torment". Yeah, thanks for not pushing your beliefs. In all honesty, I do not think he tries to be nasty, so I just smile and do my job. Should leave me in the mood for a few drinks right enough.
Picking up my mom tomorrow morning from the hospital:)

So it's done

The nail in the coffin. He said the words, or shall I say gave the ultimatum. He has to be number one, or he is nothing. Buh-bye. The heartache was not there. I had been preparing myself for the dump, so not at all shocked. Not like with A where it came from no where.
My friend from school Ali was very sympathetic. "We should go shopping."

Okay girls... I like men.... But gay is not the same as being a girl. Shopping does not cheer me up. I hate shopping, even when I HAVE to get something. "Okay, we could get drunk." My girl! Got it in two. So, out tomorrow night, (Wednesday is late classes) to get drunk with Ali and Alex.

Fingers crossed

The doctors are taking mom off iv today. If the oral medication keep the infection at bay she could be home as early as Tuesday:) Happy boy today. I can't wait to get my life back. And, well, happy of course that mom and baby are fine. Nonna is coming over later tomorrow to clean. I admit,we men are slobs. No towels today, wrapped myslef up in robe after my shower to get dried off. How sad is that? But, I did put on a load of towels for tomorrow.
I am working 3 days this week. I need the hours. I'm broke, and want to be able to go out during reading week. I doubt I'll be going to London as D has not called. Prick, you would think he would at least call to ask how things were going. I would if it was his mom, and she is a total bitch, and not in a good way. SO I figure reading week I am hitting the clubs, because if I do not get laid reading week... it is just sad.

Not on much today

Friday is always busy for me. Afterclass I am working. I like work, so it is not a hardship. I have been working there for a while now. It is what really made me go on to University. I used to think that I would never go to University, but loving my job... and the really wonderful support of the vets where I work kind of gave me the courage to man up and do it. Don't get me wrong, I've always had good grades, but I kind of did it by taking the easy road... standard classes rather than the advanced ones I needed to get into my science program. So I ended up with an extra year in HS to get those classes. I am going to be a vetrinarian when I grow up :)
Anyway, class, then shift at the animal hospital, then home again, home again. I'll try to poke in from time to time. So, off to school. Hope you all have a fabulous day.

What happened to my blog?

Well, I think my account got hacked. Becuase pics got deleted, and strange activity all around. Anyway, once I changed all my passwords everything came back. So Kudos to you google people, you are on top of that shit! I have been getting a few unpleasant emails. Two types, the ones who want to save my soul, and the ones worrying about my corrupting people. Because OBVIOUSLY the whole point of my blog is to turn each and everyone into a raging queer. Hehehe, too late for you to back out now.
Anyway, I went to pick up my mom from the hospital.... DENIED! Fever is back, and she is in pain, so they are keeping her at least over the weekend. And I know it sounds totally self centred, but FUCK! Two weekends in a row. Dad told me to go anyway, but that would really be a shitty thing to do. He can't really visit with a hyper 11 yo, and so Mom is stuck alone. Yeah, like I could live with that.
D is pissed off. I texted him to let him know and he basically accused me of using my mom as an excuse not to see him. Yeah, like I made my mom sick so I could avoid getting laid, when he added "at least by me". Soooooo, yeah, I am a little fucking furious right now at basically being called a lying, cheating slut.

Sooo, Heavy weekend of schoolwork and watching my brother and visiting my mom. I tell you, no one knows how to party like us queer boys.

Whew, heart attack over

Could not get into my gmail and it said my blog did not exist. OH, god, did I ever get mad.
Happy news, my mom is home later today. Yay! Plans for the weekend are still unconfirmed. D has said :"well if you really want". Yeah, sure, make me the needy one. So I did the "well, if you don't want me to..." Anyway, long story short, we both kind of want me there (I hope) but neither one wants to be the one who really wants me there. That is the problem with trying to fit two male egos in one relationship, it can be a tight squeeze.
Anyway, I am actually off to school today. So won't be lurking all day. God, I wish for one more snow day:P I have so enjoyed my few days off and just relaxing.

Down today....

I think it was waking up with this... okay, for lack of a better word, low level horniness that has since departed and left me feeling bad. Two nasty emails later and I am just FML! I am not usually one to let things get to me. I think I am just too subborn to let any bastards grind me down, but some days you just give people to much power, even if you don't want to.
I came out in my last year of middle school. Yeah, I had a bit of a fuck-you complex going on. I was in your face, purple wearing, rainbow flag on my back pack and belt to match around my tight EMO jeans. I spoke with the royal "we" as if I spoke for the gay nation as a whole. Basically trying to find my place, as we all are at that age. I started and urged the joining of GSA despite the prinicipal being dead set against it. Did I mention I got beat up? I know, you are shocked. But, I also got "dates". Bi-curious guys mostly into experimenting. Not that any of them would admit to it. First guy who ever I ever did stuff with poured piss through the slits of my locker two years later. Guys have fragile little egos, well, teens in general, but nothing makes a guy more nervous than the idea that people might question his masculinity.
Oooo, now I know why I am feeling this way, shit psychology is strange. Has to be because of the bf, and thinking about his family. See, above incident (piss) was perputrated by 4 guys. My parents were more than a little upset about the incident. I'm generally not a snitch, but when piss gets dumped over books and my brand new leather jacket, and the school insists on yours truly replacing said books, despite witnesses of the event... well, the parentals get involved. Most of the kids parents were pissed at the kids, and three of the four parents paid to replace everything damaged. One set of parents thought it was my fault, and the prinicipal actually said the same thing in private ot my father, that if I was not so "flamboyant" that these kind of things would not happen, etc, etc.
Anyway, that kid never did the forced apology, and the parents never paid up the money for destroyed crap. That kid... my bf D's little brother. THose are the bf's parents. He did not come out until two years ago and in University. He has an okay relationship with them, but I am the first guy he has ever brought home to meet them. I think they were more okay with the idea of him being gay than the reality of being introduced to the high school fag boy.
Truth is, we've been fighting off and on since the holidays. Shit, I never realized how much it bothered me until I wrote it all down. There is something to be said for purging the mind via blogs I guess. Biggest thing I have to decide now is how much this shit does bother me.

I hate the snow

this storm has been a mixed blessing. Ds grandma was coming for a visit, which is cancelled due to bad driving conditions. Which means our aborted get together last weekend may come to fruition. YAY! If he came down here, especially with his grandma in town, I would never get a chance to see him, much less the parts I am most interested in at the moment. But if we get another snow storm... I am screwed. Or, more acurately, I won't be for another two and a half weeks.
Had a really weird dream last night about talking to D on the phone and snakes slithering all over me. Jeez, sex on the mind much? Maybe just a bit.

Okay, how about if I stop talking about sex... sorry, just where my mind is right now.
So I will be shovelling very soon to get a jump on the pile out there. Yuck! I hate shovelling.

Queer, faggot, dyke, homo,

People get so hung up on the words rather than the feeling behind them. I am pretty meh with regards to words, more the feeling behind them. My best friend will refer to me on my facebook as a "raging homo", yet would be the first person at my back if anyone used a slur directed at anyone. I think people get too caught up in the words rather than their actions behind them.
I have found the whispered "homosexual" much more offensive than someone outright calling me a fag. Whispered,even though they are using the P.C. word, implies that there is something wrong with being gay. Like people are afraid to acknowledge it, because it is soooo wrong.
I remember my mom one time talking about how at the playground the one day a woman asked which child hers was. "The one on the slide." "Oh.... you mean the one who is.... um... darker complected..."
"Black," my mom said. "It's okay, he knows he's black." I remember how pissed she was, not because the woman realized my skin colour, but because she was embarrassed to say the word.
Anyway, theseblogs are dangerous spots for me to be, because I am going to become addicted, lol. ANyway, cameacross a big rant today about how gay people should not use these words because it is demeaning ourselves and each other.
I believe to ban something gives it power. To say "this is a terrible word" gives it far more power. Look at the imfamous "N" word. Ridiculous how much hate and fear and pain is poured into one word. Why? Because we gave it that power. We decided it was a bad and terrible and horrible word. We banned books, because even HISTORY had no use for the word. So now we want a whole other group of words with that much power? Really? Any thoughts?

Finally got my one paper done

One to go, with a legit reason to stay home, storm on its way. With my mom in the hospital, I got to pick up the little man. I do not drive in the snow. I am a big old wuss when the white stuff starts flying. Usually not a big deal as I can crash in the dorm rooms of one of my friends, but with CJ, I have to be home after his hockey practice.
So I did, happily, manage to finish off my one paper, got a fair jump on the second. So why am I up at this ungodly hour? I could not sleep. Feels weird to have my mom sick. I guess I think she is like Chuck Norris:) Nothing can take the woman down. And before you say it, i know I am a cliche, a queer and a strong attachment to his mother. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait until she is home again.
I was talking to D until like 3 am. He is going through terrible strain with what he is going ot do after graduation. The job market here sucks ass, and he has student loans out his ass. I am lucky my parents take care of my tuition... shit I do not envy people their student loans, sure they have a lot more money for partying at the start of the year... but SHIT! To be that much in debt for the next ten years? No thanks.