Happy new year

I have been a bad blogger. Sorry. The holidays have kept me crazy. I have to say I am having the best holiday season. It's nice not to be the odd man out over the holidays. C has been fucking awesome with letting me drag him from event to event. He didn't do the family thing, but anything friends related was fair games, so my cousin, who is also friends with some of my friends got to meet him. In typical A form she said that she was starting to think C was imaginary. She then told him he was coming to her wwedding. He shook his head. "It's so cute you think you have a choice.". Yeah, welcome to my crazy family. He's been talking a lot about next christmas and what we should do. I love that he assumes we will still be us next Christmas. I moved half my stuff into his place. I don't know what to do with the rest when my parents sell the house. I've already been told that they won't have room.

Yule

Yes, I did it.  Post exam I met up with Jake.
My mom is friends with Jake's mom.  They met before we were born.  My mom was in University with Jake's father.  By that time they already had Jake's older sister Kayleigh, and my mom used to kick about with them.  Anyway she went to theirs and I took the ride, since they live out of town.  Got TOTALLY drunk.  Jake has a "life-sized" Frosty.  Brilliant thing is it dances and will move it's lips to whatever you say in the microphone. That we could get this thing to say whatever we wanted became quite the game the drinker we got. Anyway, after one day of promising to never do that again I'm feeling much better. Mom asked me to got shopping with her. Now my mother has no control on spending, so every Christmas she takes out the amount she is going to spend and leaves her purse at home. So our last stop is to the LCBO. Behind the counter is this guy about 25. Anyway, we have about 600 dollars worth of booze on the table ( because my family is Awesome like that) and the guy asks my mother for I.D. She laughed, but he was serious. "this is my son.". So he asks her to take off her sunglasses then laughs. My mother looked at him and said "I'm going to pretend it is the wisdom you see in my eyes and not the crows feet that convinced you.". Poor guy had no idea what to say to that.

The musical snob

C is a musical snob.  Totally.  He listens to old music (like 60s and 70s) and claims anything good was rooted to that time.  Half the shit he listens to I have never heard of them and he hunts down pretty obscure shit in Cheapies (local music store), hates on anything mainstream. You know the type yeah he's that guy. Lately he has been into music biographies, which usually drive me crazy, because it distracting as hell when something I like is on tv when I am trying to get in the study zone. Well on Saturday he is watching a documentary which was on a record producer, so I did not mind. In between documentaries is a few videos. A couole were pretty shit, but then a decent one Sheepdogs song came out that was pretty good and it starts. Music is turning into a copy of the 60s and 70s mainstream crap... I agreed wholeheartedly. Now considering I often tell him off for being a musical snob, and he knows me, so my turnabout was regarded with some distrust. "It has a very 60s CCR sound". Still eying me with distrust, yet knowing my absolute hatred for CCR he seemed to genuinely think I was agreeing with him. "1968". Straight faced, suspicion back. "second Tuesday in April" "you're such an ass hole.". I'm laughing at this time. "Around 2:30 in the afternoon" And a pillow hits the back of my head.

Home for the holidays

My best friend is home for the holidays.  That would be so many flavours of awesome except for one little thing... well three little things.  Exams that is.  My last exam is done on the twenty-fucking-first.  That is soooo shitty.  Jake goes back on the 27th.  With Christmas, school, work, both our families I will be lucky if I get to see him at all.  Growing up sucks balls:(  He had to go and get a fucking job, what an ass hole.  If he didn't have a job he could hang out with me until after the new year.... well when I am not working that is.
What happened to the lazy prick who managed a solid 1.5 solid GPA with no job or relationship at all last year?  Sure, this year he goes and gets all responsible on me:S  Selfish prick.  I need at least one completely irresponsible and reckless friend, how else can I excuse me behaviour?

Google bitch slapped me

I often laugh at the searches that led to my blog. But today apparently someone goggled "sad cunt" and there I was. It's official.

Dear auto-correct

As much as I appreciate your much needed help at times... Fuck and duck do not carry the same impact. "I wish this hunt would shut the duck up" I'm sure hunting ducks would shut them up... But it seemed a bit of and odd text to send in the middle of a boring class. Oh and I have not once, and never will use the word "fickers". Please stop using it in place of fuckers. Just to be on the safe side, if it's profanity, it's intended. Always.

Big fight- totally worth it for make up sex

I may just start picking fights just for make up sex. Well okay, no not really. Because it was a day from hell, followed by another day from hell. Anyway, it was a fight over nothing in particular. C has been in a fucking miserable mood since trying to get stuff from his parents house and they trashed all the shit he had there. And yes, I am fucking getting what a fucked up thing that is to do. But it's another thing to have to deal with his miserable ass when he is in a mood. I mean it's like he's got a beef with everyone. And he usually does. But usually it is said with some comedic value, or I can turn it that way. But in a grocery store when a kid is having a melt down, being a dick to already stressed out dad really is... Well, being a dick. Yeah, so maybe his kid is spoiled, maybe she isn't, but your fucking unsolicited commentary was not helping nor was it going to move anything along. Anyway, then he got pissed off at an asshole comment one of my drunk friends made at the bar that night. And of course I am somehow responsible for my douchebag friend making a nasty comment on our relationship. It was probably intended as a joke. But since it does happen to touch on a subject we are already kinda working through it did not make it as a a funny thing to say. Anyway we were snapping and bitching at each other which led to a full out fight. After a miserable shift at work we did manage to talk through the stupidity. And I don't know if it is the tension release or what, but make up sex... Okay not quite make it worth the fight, but pretty fucking close.

pie and christmas plans

I'm making steak and potato pie, from scratch, TYVM.  I would just like to say, as a boyfriend, I rock.

Mine is of course not going to look like this.  Mine will look more like something you are at first afraid to eat.  But it actually does taste good.  I have just never had the patience, or seen the fucking point in making something look so fucking perfect when all you are doing is eating it anyway.  C was off yesterday.  One of the "joys" of working for an American company is that, while you do not get Canadian holidays, you do get American holidays.  So it seems like he is off some random Thursday, but then gets asked to work Saturday to make up for the missed day.  In other words, he got royally fucked.

Anyway, I digress.  Yes, this blog post actually has a point:D  Surprise, surprise.  So C spent his day checking out the Canadian equivalent of "Black Friday" sales that a lot of retailers start on the Thursday.  C has never done the Christmas thing.  Was not part of his religion growing up.  So it came up a few weeks ago when my mom asked of I was bringing C to my Nonna's at Christmas.  I was not surprised at the emphatic refusal.  But he apparently thinks it is like being asked to a wedding and now he has to buy presents (awww, bless, who's a social retard?).  I assured him that no, you do not need to buy anyone presents, well other than yours truly, of course.
Well, shit, I correct myself.... yeah... no point at all.  Just the mindless rambling as usual:D.  Anyway, got distracted and did not post on time.  The pies were really fucking good.  And having no attachment to the blog post, but for my amusement, I got quite the laugh out of these pics.

I'm sure he's harmless.... no really.

BBGs mentioning her having latex gloves brought this to mind.

Cleaning out C's car.  Pull everything from the trunk to vacuum it out.  I pull out:
A chainsaw, two baseball bats (no balls or gloves), duct tape, several pairs of latex gloves, extra large garbage bags and a trench shovel.  I told C if the cops ever pull him over they won't even need a body.  Now he has a feasible explanation for each of these strange items to find in a trunk.  And one or two... okay.  But all those combined....
The chainsaw: he maintains the property for his landlords, and the first chainsaw from the garage and it pissed C off he had to buy another.  So he figures his trunk is safer.  The big, and I mean huge, garbage bags. because the tenants are filthy dirty ass holes who leave their shit outside of the garbage bins and on a regular basis the cats in the neighbourhood rip open the garbage bags.  Guess that explains the gloves, although his excuse was in case his car breaks down and he need to fix it, he doesn't want to get grease on his hands.  Duct tape... well that is just good Canadian sense at work.  And a shovel, well Canadian winters, a trench shovel folds down  to trunk size.  The baseball bats?  Even C was stumped to come up with an explanation.

I just may have to sleep with one eye open.

Cock-blocked by iTunes

So I was listening to Elephant this morning.  Really liking them.  So I decide to download. Usually I admit I try to download shit for free.  But this is a new group and opening up some new ideas, so I figure, no, pay for the music you cheap bastard, you already know you like it.   ITunes is saying I do not have money on my account.  Are you fucking kidding me?  I just put a 20 dollar card on them.  I refuse to link it to my credit card, because on line my perception of money is a little.... well.... I forget how much I actually spend.  So I guess I have to try to find my receipt.  Fuckers.

Never let it be said that we don't do drama

Okay, my war on Google+.  I personally felt the drama hilarious, but it is rather long, and I apologize in advance.  This whole pardon the term flame war has been going on for over a week and I stayed out of it.  The funny thing is the WHOLE person this is directed at has long since blocked the other guy, but he still insists on posting shit about it.
So D1 is a gay comic book writer, and D2 is.... well a two faced twat.  D1 put up a notice about a week and a bit back saying "Hey, I don't know you all, But I have three circles.  LGBT news, Erotic comic book art or filth."  D2 asked to be put in all 3.  Now keep in mind that is what it was termed.  A FILTH circle.  Make no mistake he knew what he was getting into just as I knew when I signed up.  So less than a day later another "friend" of both D1 and D2 complained that he was getting porn in his incoming feed (not from D1) and D2 piped up that he too has been getting offensive material in his feed and if ANYONE sent him porn that he would report the TOS violation to google.  Seeing as he signed up for a circle and that D1 had then put not only himself but his other circle sharers in danger a single word described his opinion of D2.  "Cunt"

So D2 is still bitching about it.  And some have tried to stay out of the way.  I have until recently.  I don't know if it has to do with my low tolerance to bullshit, and the fact that I hate whiners who will not accept responsibility.  He chooses NOT to block these images, instead he reports them and "asks" to be uncircled.  Well only those in his circles are going to see this request, if they see at all.  My feed has over a thousand posts a day.  I was going to passive-aggressively ask him to put me in a whine free circle, but then decided not to be bitchy and just give my opinion as an outsider.
 Okay, I am sorry, but if you agree to be in circles THEN change your mind why should it be on someone else to remove you? Is that not YOUR call then to block those images? I go days without going into my google (and no I do not post porn), but if I miss your message why does that make me the bad guy? You have the option to block. Quit making your feed someone else's responsibility. Man up and take the responsibility for your own feed. JMHO.
I had no idea that I was then to be at the centre of the shit storm.
The back and forth about the options of not opening your incoming at work and shit back and forth was fine until some DOUCHEBAG compare it to rape.  

Bag licking disciple of D2 (Henceforth referred to as BL)+Jamie People who are afraid of being raped have the option of never leaving the house.

Yesterday 23:56   

Jamie  -  oh fuck off, yeah like that is a fair comparison. Did you read the original post? Someone who ASKED to be put on these lists and then was pissed and changed his mind. He has the option to say no. Then say no and not expect everyone else to say no for you.

Yesterday 23:58  -  Edit    

+1

   

BL  -  +Jamie But you have no control over the incoming feed, "what's hot", or search results.

Yesterday 23:59    

+2

   

Jamie  -  Incoming feed is people you know you have NOT accepted. If you choose to check it out at unsafe times I have no sympathy for you. Same for what's hot. They are not defaults people. Learn the technology or don;t use it and bitch and whine.

00:03  -  Edit    

+2

   

BL  -  +Jamie I think the bottom line is to follow the terms that you agreed to when signing up for Google+.

00:05    

+2

   

Jamie  -  So where were those terms when you signed up for NSFW network? Weren't concerned then, but then all prim and proper now? Two faced is two faced. The bottom line is as an adult you accept the consequences for what you signed up for and if you change your mind then it is up to YOU to make those changes. my mommy taught me that when I was about 6.

00:09  -  Edit    

+2

   

BL-  +Jamie ...what? That's not what we're complaining about. If someone decides they don't want to be in a NSFW circle, all they do is send a message asking to be removed. There's never usually any problem there. That's not what I'm complaining about at least.

00:12    

+2

   

Jamie  -  well I was responding to the original post. Did you read it? That was the ONLY one area I questioned.

00:16  -  Edit    

+1

   

D2  -  +Jamie  If by "original post" you mean mine, above, then no, you're notactually responding to it, since I plainly stated that I'm not complaining about the people whose circles I asked to be in, and who politely removed me when I asked to be removed.

01:08    

+1

   

Jamie  -  Yes, but you failed to acknowledge your responsibility to remove yourself from those you no longer wanted to be part of. sorry, but it is a two way street. check your own side.

01:11  -  Edit    

+1

   

D2-  +Jamie You said, "you failed to acknowledge your responsibility to remove yourself from those you no longer wanted to be part of."

I clearly described how I exercised my responsibility to remove myself from those I no longer wanted to be part of by asking the people to remove me, since only they could do so. Perhaps you missed reading that part.

02:53   

Jamie  -  What I did not miss is my ability to block people I have no desire to hear things from. I have always chosen that option rather than to make others responsible. Originally I could see both sides of this, but the more and more I see you whine about this the more I am starting to wonder when you take some kind of responsibility. Mistakes were made on both sides. Your turn to acknowledge that YOU yes YOU made some mistakes and take your responsibility that some of your issues are stemming from that.

07:53  -  Edit   

D2  -  +Jamie  I did not make any mistakes that led people I did not know, and did not circle, to decide to circle me and start sending me porn (a) without asking me, and (b) in spite of my stating in my profile that I didn't want to see it. The people who did that are the ones responsible for doing that, not me.

You're right that I have the option to block someone who does that when I see them in Incoming. I also have the option to report and block, just as G+ asks us to. I have chosen to exercise that option.

By the way, thanks for adding two more terms to my list of things I've been called at the end of paragraph three of my post. I've edited it to add "two-faced" and "whiny" to the list. Bless your heart.

08:54 (edited)   

Jamie  -  I call a spade a spade. and now, notice i am not going to ask you to put me in a non bitch and whine circle. I am just gonna block you. Because, dude, much as I have appreciated some of your content, the pity party is getting a bit annoying for this boy.

Guess it may be time to cull my LGBT circle.

Not everything needs a game plan

Okay, I am sick.  I sit here doped on Nyquil, and coughing every time I try to talk (boy is that killing me not to talk).  The phone just rang for the third time.  Now I don't know if I have ever mentioned, C is a planner.  Oh, I don't that in the sense that we all make plans.... he does it to the point of psychosis.  Before we leave the house he has an list of where we are going, in which order, and god help the world if one little thing goes wrong with his plan.  Now ordinarily I just accept that he is a bit anal (insert your own joke here), but I am sick and more than a little annoyed that he is calling me to make plans I will not be there for.  First he calls to tell me that he has to go to Ikea for shit that they got on sale.  Kitchen stuff. Do we need anything else.  No, then he is going to pick up groceries, is there anything I want... yes, I want to get the fuck off the phone so I can go back to sleep.  It does not really matter if I suggest anyway because he has every meal planned out and why he needs so much of each.  Now don't get me wrong.  It's not that ordinarily it does not annoy the shit out of me.  I'm human, and others obsessions of course drive me crazy.  But usually I am a little more patient.  Okay, perhaps patience has never been my most obvious virtue, but I usually have a sense of humour about his little quirks.  But being sick I am low on the humour.
The second phone call was about whether or not he should get an oil change or wait until next weekend when he would go a few kilometres over the 5000 km that is recommended before another oil change.  Does anyone NOT go over that  number?  I honestly think that it is only the old oil holding my mom's car together.  And this is not like a babied car.  This car is over 15 years old.  C bought it because he can do all the work that may be required on it, barring anything going majorly wrong.  In such case he'll probably just junk it and by another beater.  Now, again, my input is not needed.  He called so he could weight the pros and cons.  Finally he decided with no input from me other than the occasional "uh huh" that he was going to change the oil.
Five minutes later he calls to tell me that he is putting on laundry and should he toss mine in with his.  Then proceeds to tell me how he separates the loads.  Like I need to approve of how my precious clothes are treated. You had me at you doing my laundry, no need to sell it.  Now accept for a few items I get dry cleaned I really do laundry like ever other single guy on the planet, other than C.  I wait until I have a load, then put them all in the washer.  If I have miscalculated and there is more than one load, I just jam them in until the on two loads become one.  C has FIVE, count them FIVE distinct loads.  Yeah, great, shove mine in too.  Then he tells me I sound terrible and should get some sleep.  Grrrrrr.
   I remember one day my Aunt commenting that you are not really in a relationship until those little cute quirks became annoying.  My mother added, it's when those annoying quirks get to the point that you want to stab them in the eye with a pencil and don't... that is when you know it's love.

Do you ever get something for nothing?

I just wanted to acknowledge something that I didn't think really happened anymore.  I am in circles with this writer, and he asked for introductions.  I am a fan of what I have seen of his work, but due to finances I'm left just kind of appreciating the free samples.  I made a comment, not wanting to be rude or deceitful that I got what free nibble I could being a poor student.  He offers to put me in with his buyers and said "hey, just when your out of school maybe you will remember this writer."  How awesome is that?  Who does that?  I tell you, I really thought what a brilliant thing to do, just because.  To the writer in Question, and you know who you are, Much appreciated.  And yes, you have guaranteed yourself a fan for life.

"Born this way" or not?

Wow, such a frenzy by, if you will pardon the term, religious nut jobs to scream at science and say no, being gay is a choice.  And that gets up another flood of people saying no.  To me it just crowds the issue.  No doubt as it is intended.  Let's get it off the equality subject and argue as to if homosexuality is a choice or not.  Well, why the fuck does it matter?  Hell, we are never going to be able to prove for 100% that it is not, and, well what is wrong with it being a choice?  Aren't we supposed to be free as consenting adults to make choices about who we love?

Sancitity of marriage.... what's the divorce rate at right now?  54.8% in U.S.  37% in Canada.  Whoa!  Wait you mean legalizing gay marriage hasn't violated the sanctity of all the straights in Canada, how odd.  By the way Canada's divorce rate has dropped from 37.9% in 2004, before legalized same sex marriage.  Obviously gay couples getting married has not sent frenzied heterosexual couples into hysterics.  See, since they made it legal, it really has not become a big deal.  When two people get married it is HUGE deal to them, a pretty big deal to their family, a small deal to other guests.  BUT when two people cannot get married just because they happen to be of the same sex.... well then it is a pretty big deal to a whole lot of people on both sides of the issue.

It just seems like such a waste of energy.  DOMA is going to lose.  Sooner or later same sex marriage will be legalized.  But while they can keep people fighting about it at least politicians don't need to focus on healthcare, tax breaks for their industry buddies, light rate of unemployment, the education system....

That's right... Just keep your eyes on those queers destroying families.  After all, every fairytale needs the bad guys to make the "heroes" look good.

warriors

I love video games.  When my mother claims I waste my time I tell her that when the zomies attack , and they will, she will see the rewards for my mad skills.  Recently CJ has been spending quality time on my PS3 with me being at C's.  "Calvin, I don't want you wasting your whole day on the PS3," mom was telling him yesterday.
"I'm in training for the zombie apocolypse," he defended himself to my pride.  "See these thumbs," he held them up,"These are the thumbs of a warrior."  I am Still laughing.

Evil little monster

   In this instant my brother is out, with friends.  He is too old to be walked by his older brother "like a baby" and would be embarrassed to be the only kid his age with an adult.  No matter I was in costume.  Waiting.  And got ditched at the door by a twelve year old:'(

Niagara Falls

   And party it was.  A shit load of money was lost, not from this boy.  I had money aside for losing and that was it.  C actually came up about 80 ahead of the game.  Well not huge, but better than losing.  I lost 100, but went in with that intention, and over all not bad for a weekends entertainment.  Oh, not counting another 40 at the arcade.  The weekend went by without anything bad happening... If you don't count someone puking in the hot tub, and that I got slightly lost in the hotel, but eventually found my way back to our room.
   Started at the arcade, moved onto the ripper bar.  Fuck 8 bucks a beer to watch some stripper I have no interest in watching:P  Anyway, then onto the Casino.  It was a blast.  The only kinda down side was there was a soccer tournament in town.  KIDS soccer.  We were getting many a disapproving look from parents who apparently thought that we were ... well acting like the drunken fools we no doubt were.  But it was not in their house.  We paid just as much to be at the hotel as they did.
   C actually made a great effort to be nice, and a fun time was had by all.... well except maybe one of Jake's Uni buddies who looked a bit worse the wear even when we left late Sunday afternoon.  (I'm guessing he was the puker, thankfully I was long gone by that time)

Jake's birthday

Fallsview Casino.  Let the bad choices and regrets begin :D  This should be interesting.  Take 7 guys, add alcohol and gambling.... what can possibly go wrong?  Thankfully I got an anchor in C.  The rest of the guys are all single.  Folks in Niagara Falls lock up your sons and daughters... or at least don't expect them back until late Sunday.

Thanksgiving weekends

So on Sunday we went to my Aunt's.  Now my mom usually does the thanksgiving thing, but had no desire to this year, so my grandma was going to.  Then she put her back out.  So to my Aunt.  Now, I know I am supposed to love my whole family.  I have been told I love my Aunt Crystal.  I do not.  She is an utter and absolute total bitch.  She "suffers" from depression.  Now I put that in quotes, because it seems to me she rather enjoys her depression while everyone else suffers from her depression.  See, her depression is a brutal disease where she can say anything she wants sans consequences.  She is just being "honest" and everyone gets the benefit of her honesty.  The whole world gets to here her opinions and CANNOT be offended because she is "Ill".  BUT god fucking forbid you have an opinion of HER that she disagrees with.  Then you are being a major asshole and driving her into the dreaded relapse.
While she gets to wax on about her ideas about homosexuality being too socially acceptable and biracial mixing just being wrong you have to ignore.  The entire family plays this game.  Auntie Crystal is "delicate".   No, she is a bitch!  And her main whipping boy tends to be my mom.  Probably because the younger brother long ago stopped giving anything she said credence at all, so to save her feeling she bullies the one who will not fight back.  My mom is a peace keeper.  Always has been.  She keeps the peace in her and dad's family too.  But some times you want to just say FUCK mom tell her to shut the fuck up already.

Okay, So it happened.  Now before you think it, I have hugely backed off him.  This is not my fault, not really anyway.  Yes, he went down to his parents' house for the long weekend and come Sunday he just told them.  It did not go well.  Surprisingly enough C is quite settled about the whole thing.  But I feel somewhat guilty. On the other hand I also feel relieved and like he now has something more invested. Does that make me a total dick? Probably, but who wants to be with someone who can't be happy to be with you and never goes anywhere "straight" with you because god forbid it get back to the parental units what, or who he's doing over here in the big bad city. C never exactly told me everything that happened or was said, but his parents are no longer speaking to him. Is it wrong that I think he should be relieved rather than upset? I know easy to say when it is not your family... but still I don't get it. On the plus side he seems much more relaxed than I would be. He says because he knew exactly what was going to happen when he told them. Part of me is kind of afraid that he may start to resent me if this the end of his relationship with his parents, but he says it won't happen, and that in the end he knew what it would come down to.

Oops, I thought I published this a week ago.  My bad.  Sorry for the delay.

Update on things

So I have hit an all time low.  I am depressed and sad.  C has said some awful things.  He says I am bossy and controlling, that I insist on everything my way, that I never give a little.  It has hit on all my insecurities about myself.  But I don;t care what he says, I'm not letting him out of the basement.

Haha, well, I thought it was funny.  Ali punch me, so maybe it was not as funny as I thought:P  Actually, things on the Chris front have been very... peaceful of late.  I'm backing off him enough that he is relaxing a bit more and things are good.  My brother is being rather surly with me, says I am getting "hogged" by C.  I just don't have the time to hang out with him I used to, and he is feeling hard done by.  Probably time to schedule something with him.  Hit the Spirit halloween shop for costumes or something.

I'm sure you have seen them....

A new FCKH8 video I just wanted to share.

Pocket Texting

Last night I pocket texted my boss.  Nonono, not just pocket texted.  I'm fucking gifted.  I'm just sitting here and my Iphone goes off for a text message.  Well I am confused as it says "Right back at you big guy." from said boss.  I look back into the conversation.  Last night around 11 I sent him a Xxo.  Yes, I am textually harassing my boss.  I am very happy he has a sense of humour and obviously realized that I was not deliberately texting him that.  FML.  Now is there ANY chance of him not telling everyone at work about this?

Wild Friday Night

So I went out last night. I had a fucking blast.  One of my friends from high school actually is working the bar now, which is awesome.  I don't know if he is just a REALLY bad bartender or if he was giving me free drinks, but either way I only paid for about every other drink, which made Jamie a very drunk boy.  C was laughing at me because he was getting charged every time he went to the bar, even for his, which is weird because they never charge the DD for non-alcoholic drinks.  Never.  So by the end of the night I was the one getting all the drinks off my "boyfriend".  We danced.  Ali ended up coming minus the bf, amazing how he is never able to make it out to the clubs with us.  He's a nice enough guy, but you would swear he thinks every gay guy is ready to jump him.  It kinda makes me laugh, and I would never say anything to him, but he is not exactly .... let's just say he is safe in his heterosexual world.  I find it kinda funny that Ali is that into him.  I figured she would go more for the metro-sexual look than red neck.  She even managed to get C to dance with her, which is not easy.  He is not big into dancing.  Except when he knows it is going to get something out of it.  SO we got home around two in the morning, and he had to get up at four-thirty.  I am so glad I am not working with him this morning.  LOL, Yes, I think I will go home and wait for him to have a post work nap before I even try talking to him.

I feel freaking fantastic!

Went to bed feeling like ass, woke up feeling like... well .... never mind:P

I'm baaaaccccckkkkk!

Honestly, I have not felt this good for quite a while.  I feel well rested and just that side of bitchiness I like to maintain.

Okay, I know I do not talk much about political shit here, I mean it's done to death.  But I read this early today and it fucking pissed me off to no end.

Former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.) responded that “any type of sexual activity has no place in the military” and said the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” injected “social experimentation” into the military.

There are no words to how disgusted I am at this statement.  

I mean WTF! If you are interested in the whole story here is the link.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/09/audience-jeers-gay-soldier-applauds-anti-gay-santorum-during-gop-debate/

I am sick

   I have a horrible headache.  Have had it since I got back from Western Fair on Sunday early.  I left early because of the headache, figuring it to be allergies.  No such luck.  After feeling like shit on Monday, but unable to sleep yesterday was a killer for my stomach.  Today I am in bed at C's with Nelson for company, heavily dosed on NeoCitran flu and I am not moving for the whole day.  Without my usual sick movies available I do have the entire first season of True Blood and The United States of Tara.  Trying to decide which to watch first.
   I'm hoping today does the trick, because I have a lot of shit to do tomorrow and no time to lounge in bed, well, I don't really today either, but I can't help it today.

The dick with the ultimatums

   In one year I will not be here.  I will (hopefully) be in Toronto, but possibly even in another province depending on where I get accepted.  This we have always known.  I guess I never really thought about how Chris felt about this, or where, if at all, he fit into my plan.  In my mind I guess I never really put him and school together and realized that they don't fit.  That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.
   So we are at his place and just eating, and me typically talking and not thinking.  So I'm explaining how I realize now how fucking competitive it is going to be to get in where I want and that I may have to go to Saskatchewan, Alberta or P.E.I. to go to school.  "P.E.I.?  Do you know how impossible it is to find a job there?"
   "It's no big, I doubt I'll have time anyway.  And it's not like I'm sticking around  fucking P.E.I. after I get my degree."
   "Well, how am I supposed to live there?"  Well you could have knocked me fucking over.  I never, really, never fucking thought about him and me and school all in the same moment in time.  I think about our future, but never in relation to me leaving.  "I mean Saskatchewan's good.  There is tons of work there."
   "You're gonna move along with me?"  Okay, I'm not that bright.
   "Well, maybe not then.  Sorry, my bad.  I didn't realize that I was going to get 'Thanks for the good time' postcards from you when you went off to college."  I take full credit for his new found inner bitch.
   "Hey, I just didn't think about it before.  I never thought about the logistics of me moving away."  But in my mind I thought wow, fucking awesome.  He has thought about it.  About living together, the future, that is awesome.  Now if only my brain would have just left it alone.  But my mind can be my biggest enemy, because rather than relax with an idea of unrealistic bliss in a future relationship I see the flaws.  I see the impossibilities.  "How are you going to explain to your parents that you are moving away?"
   "I'm a big boy, J.  My parents will understand that I take opportunities as they come."  Well come on, I really did not expect him to tell them he is following his boyfriend, did I?  Of course not.  But I guess with him wanting to follow me I wanted something.  Some movement forward from the closet from him.  Some shifting to social acceptance.  And in my mind it exploded into worse case scenarios and a realization that this is it.  This is who I could end up with for my whole life.  Not the C that I love.  This big fucking closet case.  This guy who wants me, but when it is okay.  When it is acceptable.  The rest of the time I don't exist, or I'm someone he's seeing, left to assume that someone is a woman.  At his place I am his sometimes room mate.
   Like a case of verbal diarrhoea I'm spewing all these fucking insecurities and fears that I never knew existed.  That are maybe the reason I never let myself think too far ahead.  I'm accusing him of doing shit he hasn't even done yet.  In the end it pretty much was a knock down drag out fight for things he has not even fucking done.  Not my finest moment.  Oh, did I mention loud?  It was very loud.
   Anyway, I did eventually calm down and realized how unreasonable I was being.  I mean here my boyfriend is basically letting me know he is planning a future with me and I am losing it on him for it.  But in my mind I am seeing a future in the closet.  Because the fact is, one person cannot be in a relationship with someone openly gay and hope to stay in his closet.  I would have to change to not "out" him.  Because the fact of it all is, two guys living together, one gay, the assumption is both gay.  And once he is outed how is that going to affect me?  Us?  Resentment.  So I change.  Then what happens when his old friends visit?  J gets to make himself scarce for the visit.  Or fucking god forbid his parents.... J disappears for their visit.
   And the future?  What happens in five years?  How do C's parents not wonder about their 30 something son who has never had a relationship?  No woman to bring home?  And I know these are his issues, but they will become mine if we are still in a relationship.
   Most of all, I know I cannot live like that.  Because the thoughts of it are already causing resentment.  I fucking hate that he wants that life for me.  And I hate that I feel like I am being a dick issuing ultimatums, but  how can I not be?  This is going to be a deal breaker for me.  And I am trying really hard NOT to say that, but the bottom line is I think in the end I know if he does not come out all my deepest fears are going to manifest.
   Of course then it is his turn to point out that I have things "easy" because his life is just so fucking complicated.... And so it continues.

FML

Isn't it quiet in here?  Sorry, I suck.  I would like to say I am so busy I have not had a moment to spare, but it would be a lie.  I fucked up and C is pissed at me.  Been a bit down and depressed and STUPIDLY bought an iPhone, I think it was to cheer myself up.  How dumb do you gotta be?  Like buying something pretty is going to make my life suddenly better.
Angry and frustrated with myself at the moment.  In a bit of a foul mood.  So.... that's about it for right now.

Friendship Award

I received this lovely award from the awesome Andrea http://andreashealingjourney.blogspot.com/

I know you probably are already familiar with her blog, but if not, you should be.

It is so hard not to turn this into a love fest, because I have so many of you I count as true friends.

Okay, Now I know, I know,

Spread awards around, and I will, but the first one.... I simply cannot have a friendship award without her:

Insignificant, who is anything but http://insignificantyetimportant.blogspot.com/

Mind Twister: who I hope dearly will come back to us.

Logan, because I love to read how hard you are reaching to get there: http://gettingbacktomefinally.blogspot.com/

And I am going to stop there, because the last thing we need is me going all "I love you man" on you all:P

Inspirational Blog Award

Given to me by Psycho Babbling Basher (P.B.), and one of my favourite people in the world.  Her blog certainly deserved this award.  http://privatelegends.blogspot.com/  I am sure you are all familiar with her blog.  If not, you are missing something truly inspirational.

The Award is aptly designed as a butterfly; symbolizing change, transformation, metamorphosis. When given to you, you must NOT return it to me, it is intended to fly away and touch another Blogger.
I will be listing my own selection of BUTTERFLY Inspirational Blog Awards.
There are a couple of TAG questions that you may or may not decide to use, but it would totally delightful if you will.

EIGHT EASY TAG QUESTIONS:

What makes you laugh, smile or giggle? I am a child, really. Things that would make a 12 year old laugh make me laugh. I can not be serious for too long.
What are your dreams for your future? Finish my degree, eventually open my own clinic. And to love.
If you are to go to a cruise, where would it be and why? I would actually love Alaska of all places. But I think the majestic beauty would interest me far more than party cruise location.
How would you spend your vacation time and with whom? I would love to travel anywhere. And it would be awesome to make it a romantic vacation.
If given a chance, what life would you choose? Your life now or your past? Present. I don't feel the past will ever grip us the way it did the first time, knowing what was coming. I choose the adventure of now and what is to come.
Is there something that you wished before when you were young but you didn’t get it? Glasses. I loved glasses when Harry Potter was the shit. I had like a third of my class in glasses. Yeah.... like that was holding me back from looking like Harry:P
Have you been in a situation where you might have given up but still you chose to move on? Yeah, I think I pretty much hated the fact that I had to go to high school an extra year to qualify for University. I kinda went "fuck that, obviously not meant to be", then I kinda owned up that it was down to my poor and lazy choices, bit the bullet and stopped being a whiny assed bitch about it
Is their someone in your life who has been your source of strength and inspiration? My brother. For someone with amazing obstacles he makes no excuses and owns who he is.

Okay: Most of the Blogs I would award this award to have it, It is with great pride that I was considered in the lineup with my fellow awardees (is that a word?  Spell check says no.  Bite me spell check)

http://whitewave92sblabs.blogspot.com/     A wonderful blog in it's own right, with new unique challenges she faces with inspirational strength

http://insignificantyetimportant.blogspot.com/   My darling Sig<3.  A great blog that is so emotionally charged with honesty it makes  you wanna hug her and never let go.  Oh, and pure coincidence her birthday today:D

http://meantroll.blogspot.com/  She never fails to make me laugh.  How someone going through so much shit can have such a brilliant sense of humour and keep it is beyond me.

http://www.day-and-age-design.com/  Jamie hosts a blog Social Every Saturday where anyone can link up to.  She has also done some pretty awesome large projects that I love.  She has some big and small projects that I am sure anyone can glean ideas from.  Not usually my style of blog, but I love the variety and think she truly has something that would interest anybody.

Thank you again, PB, coming from you it means so much.

The dog days of summer

   Wow, I have to admit my last days of summer were very fun filled, spontaneous, and surprising.  C's lay off coinciding with my two short weeks off school was brilliant.  I spent most of my days with him.  Managed to get in a family barbecue with old family friends (With C no less).  Met up with LBGTQ group about plans and fund raisers for the upcoming school year, planning our calendar, and out to the Chinese Buffet for dinner (C-less).  Met a few new people.
Now it is back to the real world.

Oh, and I got a raise:).  Okay, like $.50 an hour.... but still, moving in the right direction.  Had my emplyee review which was pretty good.  I need to start showing "More leadership".  I don't see how since I am pretty much the lowest rung on the ladder, I am hardly in a position to start bossing people about, now, am I?  So I don't know exactly how to pull that off.

Yes, I am still here

Well, it has taken me some time to come to peace with he fact that some people are just fucking idiots.  Meh.  I'm grateful to Chris who had to tolerate me.  Usually he is the miserable beastie I have to tame, not so much this last week.  Funny thing he works way different than I do.  He doesn't do it with strokes to the ego among other places.  No, he does it by driving me insane through stupidity, until I am laughing so hard at him I forget my misery.
   Part of why he got his apartment as such a stellar price is that he takes care of the lawn maintenance.  8 AM Sunday morning I wake up to "You gonna help me do the grass?"
   "You cannot cut the grass at 8 on a Sunday morning."
   "I'm cutting it while it's still cool."
   "No you are fucking not.  Seriously C, your neighbours will hate you.  I will hate you on principle.  I am not fucking the kind of guy who would mow the lawn at 8 in the fucking morning on a god damned Sunday fucking morning."  He did not mow the lawn until 10.  But I think he does things like that to just drive me crazy.  And because it amuses him to see how much I can swear in a single sentence.  I got skills, skills I tell you, mad skills.

   So school starts on Tuesday.  I can't wait.  Seriously.  I thought I would enjoy the break but my plan was to spend time with C and maybe take a trip to Toronto.  C spent time with the parents and T is no longer speaking to me, so Toronto is out.  I wish I could say we are not speaking to each other, but I honestly have no clue WHY I became the demon in his break up with his BF.  I mean I met the guy twice, and both times we got on all right.  Part of me thinks T is just looking for someone to blame.  What evs.
   So I am looking forward to getting back in my nice comfortable groove.  During school there is a comfort in the predictability and I am DYING to see some of my friends who went home for the summer.  Awesome.

Way to fight the stereotypes

I am always amused when I get called on not "fighting the stereotypes".  I'm gay, and I flame sometimes.  And sometimes I fit the stereotype, and sometimes I don't.  It's funny how I can get reamed out for not being "sensitive" enough (being gay I guess I should be), then get told off for being a shoe aficionado.  Both  amuse me.  I am not trying to live up to or put away any stereotypes.  I am who I am.  I am gay, not the way he is, he is, or he is, but the way I am.  To me being so careful of avoiding stereotypes... fuck I may as well have stayed in the closet.  I am not every queer.  I am no more going to avoid gay stereotypes than I avoid eating fried chicken.  To me, if I am living up to your stereotypes of gay men, maybe it is time to look at why you stereotype those things as gay.  It says far more about you than it does me.
And as for the gay guys out there who don't like how I portray gay, I tell you what, I won't tell you how to do it right, and you don't tell me.  Fuck, boys, we get enough shit in the world, do we really have to be such dicks to each other?

*Puts soap box away*.

What a sad day

Between the death of the passionate Canadian Jack Layton.  His passion for the change he encouraged us to be made him one politician I really felt was genuine.  I loved his humour.  Sad that he died so young.  I remember him for his time on MuchMusic as a kid, when he actually spoke to kids like they mattered.  Like they were the future.... go figure.
  Then the tornado in Goderich.  C's family is in Goderich so he is there today helping his parents with the clean up.  It kinda sucks because I was hoping to have time.... him laid off. Me out of school.  And a tornado ruins it all.  Why do all the bad things happen to me:P  Okay, crappy joke.

Well, Mother nature does not want me there

Cactus festival yesterday in Dundas.  I'm meeting friends who live there (can we say cha-ching).  Anyway, I get there and it is pissing out, so Kay decides that we can just hang out.  C actually came with.  It's amazing what my bitchiness can accomplish:P  Anyway, the sun comes out and it becomes hotter than hell.  Yay, we get to go to the festival.  So Kay feeds the kids and Off we are ready to go.... and it piss pours rain again:(  Finally we just figure it isn't going to happen.  So C and I head home.... and the sun comes out.  FML.  Oh well, I was too broke to buy anything anyway.
I was not to terribly interested anyway, very artsy, but C would have enjoyed it.

He's such a fucktard.

   A friend wrote about baby steps.  I cheer her on every step of the way.  I wonder why no one can appreciate how far she has come in her baby steps.
  Then I get impatient with C, and it takes me taking a step back and realize that he is on his own journey, and taking baby steps, while I am wanting him to run.  Who the fuck am I to have such high expectations?  Who the fuck am I to have any expectations at all?  C had his life all nice and easy, then I come in, and in my high handed way expect everything to change.  Like I am such a prize.
  C is not like me, shocker I know.  He's quite quiet.  His old friends go into two categories.  Old drinking buddies, or older friends from church growing up.  Granted the latter category are very minimal.  The old drinking buddies he has are always disappointed that he no longer drinks.  That leaves his one friend, who was YES an old drinking buddy, but also taught C everything he knows about tattooing and has done all his work.  So last night he was getting his leg piece finished up, and his buddy comments on the new apartment.  The clincher is Nelson.  C is not a cat person.  Not really an animal person at all.
   He asked about the "girl" he was seeing.  C told him about me.  Baby steps.  Yes, he's "seeing someone" named Jamie.  Oh, my, such honesty.  Sure, I guess it is not C's fault that his friend assumed Jamie was a girl.  But he sure as fuck did not correct him.  So?  What right do I really have to be pissed off?  None.  But it doesn't stop me from being pissed off.  Before he just didn't tell people about me.  That is better than lying about me.
   Baby steps.  I want to believe he had every intention of telling his friend about me, but then took the expedient escape hatch provided when the friend figured Jamie was of the female persuasion.   Except for the fact that he had to know that was going to happen.  Unless someone knows you're gay the assumption is straight.  And unless the subject of who you are seeing ends with a name I have to assume that a few feminine pronouns enforced the assumed sex of Jamie.
   In the future I must be careful what I wish for.  I wished for him to at least tell people I existed.  Well, I got that, just not the way I wanted it.  The poor stupid bastard still hasn't figured out WHY I am mad.  Fucktard. Well, he hasn't admitted to knowing why I am mad anyway.  I refuse to believe he is really stupid enough not to have picked up on the why.

While the parents are away.... and then not

   So, last night I get a phone call to say my parents are spending the night at my grandparents because the boys were asleep.  Ahhhh, air conditioning, no parents, sounds like C's spending the night.  After a bit of prodding he comes over.  Okay, a shit load of prodding actually.  He gets all bitchy about my parents, well my dad, not being over fond of him.  Dad was pissy about C staying over while they were at the cottage.  Well, fuck, they asked me to look after the place and if they think I was doing that and NOT taking advantage.  Seriously?
   Anyway, finally convinced him to come over.  We take off after about 30 seconds or so to my room.  So things are going quite well.  You may say we are getting along well and playing nicetogether, very nice indeed.  Then a fucking car in the driveway, accompanied by a scream that tells me this is no lost car turning around in our driveway.  The parents are definitely home with a very pissed off Casey in tow.
   Well C is off me in a heartbeat and scrambling for his clothes when I remind him that his car is in the driveway anyway, so he is going nowhere fast.  "Just go down and turn on the TV." So I hear the TV about 20 seconds before the parents open the door.  Whew, close one.  I got cleaned up and dressed soooo fucking fast as I hear my mom asking Chris how he is doing.  I come down the stairs, trying to walk as if my ankles were not doubling as ear muff three minutes earlier.
   Almost got away without competely embarrassing ourselves, until commercial is over on television.  When C came over I was watching a movie on OUT tv.  Well, at 2 AM the channel tends to turn a little bit more "adult".  So suddenly a review on a new sex toy.  I don't know what was funnier, the look of horror on C's face as the loud voice on the television warned about "make sure you use plenty of lubrication", or my mother trying not to laugh.  Chris went home about 40 seconds later.
   So this morning I sent him a text : "My parents are out of town, wanna come over?"
   "I H8 U"  Obviously a accidental pocket text:P

HIV conspiracy theories that make you feel safe

   Recently one of my city's baddies Aziga was taken off the streets for good.  He was ruled a dangerous offender, he was the first person convicted of first degree murder for willfully spreading AIDS.  He knew in 1996 he had HIV, had sex with 11 women since then, 7 of who become HIV positive, two of whom have died since then.

   What shocked me was not that he was given dangerous offender status, but on reading the comments to this news.  People have such wild conspiracy theories all revolving around HIV and AIDS not existing at all, or about it being a gay disease that these women could not have caught through heterosexual sex.  The theories are beyond bizarre, and I think, unlike most conspiracy theories with accuse the government of giving a false sense of security, these accuse various groups of trying to cause panic where no danger exists.

In no particular order:

Theory 1:  Heterosexuals are being injected with HIV when being tested.  That is why perfectly healthy people end up with HIV after testing... Seriously?  Discouraging people from testing is fucking dangerous.  Oh, but why are they being injected with HIV?  Well obviously if everyone knew it was just the gays and druggies contracting HIV society would just let them all die.  They only get money for research because of the "supposed" danger to the Het community.  

Theory 2:  Africa was sent HIV through the charity organizations supposed to help.  Why?  Well ofcourse to wipe black people off the face of the planet.... Now this theory is believed by some, but others... since some people believe this, it is dangerous to continue to try to prevent HIV spread in Africa in case North America gets blamed for AIDS progressing.  WTF.... I can't even wrap my head around that one.

Theory 3:  80% of HIV immigration applicants are admitted to Canada.  Not sure where they get there numbers, but about 2 seconds of research will tell them is simply not true.

Theory 4: HIV does not exist period.  AIDS does not exist.  It is a trick to get people to think that Cancer is not as pravalent in society Blah,blah,blah....

Now I am sure there are loads more conspiracies out there.  I guess I just wonder how widespread these beliefs are.  Because it seems to me the biggest battle in N.A. to fight HIV may not be the disease itself, but ignorance.  Are we going to turn into another Africa, with ignorance fertilizing AIDS until it thrives?

Intimacy

   Okay, this may get disgustingly sappy.  I apologize if I make you puke.  Seriously.

   I was thinking the other day of things that make C different than other guys I've dated.  I mean beyond the physical.  Don't get me wrong, I freaking LOVE sex.  But it's... well sex.  It can mean something, and then it can just be a means to get off.  Depends on what you want it to mean really.  And the bottom line is no matter what words or feelings you attribute it to it is a physical, mutually satisfying (hopefully) thing.  And if you don't get it from someone else, well, you have other means at your disposal. In short sex is a physical thing that we attribute value to, or not.  Funny how we bone, fuck and screw until the one we are serious about and then suddenly the language switches.  Not for this boy.  Let's call a spade a shovel, fuck tact, If I use the words "make love" I really will puke.  But intimacy can take different forms.

Last night it was hot (the weather that is).  C was tired.  I was tired.  I'm stretched out so not one inch of skin is touching.  Too fucking hot.  I kicked Nelson out of the bedroom earlier.  Nothing worse that cat fur sticking to you.  Ewww.  Nelson has an instant draw to anyone in the bed, he thinks cuddle time.  We've tried keeping him out of the bedroom altogether, but shutting the door means no airflow in the apartment.  So we just kick him out at night, usually requiring digging under the bed on hands and knees, C on one side me on the other as Nelson stubbornly sits right smack dab in the middle so the only way to get him out is to actually crawl under the bed, at such time in a flurry of cat fur and attitude he just leaves, leaving me to wriggle out from amongst the dust bunnies and cat fur tumbleweeds.  Anyway, I digress.

   So after a cool shower I am stretched out, Chris is laying there.  Then he does it.  He puts his and on my lower back and just rubs his thumb there.  First time he did that I thought he was trying to test the waters, it was about 45 degrees and I was thinking "You've gotta be fucking shitting me," because NO fucking way was sex gonna happen.  But no.  It's just something he started doing.  It's something that is just weirdly him.  A little piece of intimacy I find I wait for now.  If it doesn't happen I know something is going on.  Usually just stupid shit that he will eventually spill with very little prodding, then just say "It doesn't matter."  And it usually doesn't once it's out, and his hand is back.  I don't know if it is just that I bother to ask that makes him feel better, it's not like he gets upset or unloads huge angsty monologues.  "What's up with you?"
"Just tired."
"And...?"
"Might be layoffs next week."
"Permanent?"
"No,just for a couple weeks.  Fuck it, It doesn't matter."  Then that's it.  Nothing solved, but suddenly it's okay.  His hand is on my back and he's asleep in minutes.